Thursday, 31 December 2009


Yeah, it is one of those days.

brb, i wana draw a diagram

For those not taking physics, ie those who are taking the important subjects in life, ie; physics @ mechanics, this question will be familiar. For those taking the lesser important subjects @ courses, but who claim to be "just as important as physics and mechanics".

note (for ignorant people): remember that it is not psychology or law that keeps a 60-storey building, but physics and the materials, and laws of physics and principles. (other things are important, but physics keeps you from rain and lets you travel etc etc, so logically it is the essence of life ((if you wanna debate go find a debater not me, cause i most probably hate you)) )

anyway, ive been having problems lately. a problem similar to the question that i drew the diagram of.

assuming the  acceleration of gravity of earth is 9.81ms-², and the force pushing up is 15N, and the one pushing down is 5N, and the coefficient of friction is 0.3, you have to find the acceleration of the object moving upwards.

I dont know if its possible, (because i havent calculated wheter the force pushing up is strong enough), but this question is damn annoying.
1- calculate the normal
2- calculate frictional force
3- then 15N - the 2, and the force of the object itself sliding down the surface.

STEP 2 is fucking long man, and this, is the problem i had. A LONG PROBLEM.

and this, is my problem.
YOU see in life there are people, and in people, we see more important people than others. and this, is where the title hierarchy (i think i misused the word but go to hell for judging me), for, we have a pyramid of people in our lives.
here is the pyramid for guys

wtf? not a pyramid? well, its a line la. babi-la kecoh plak x pyramid. anyway, see how it goes BROs BEFORE HOes?

yeah, so like i spent a night out with MA HOMIES, (homies = alam shah people who i slept beside and shared my komodo lion toothpaste ((best toothpaste ever)) and ate with and stole from and lied to and was lied by and skipped class with and ran across streets at alamanda with) for 5 freaking years, 
then a HO (not actual whore, but a person who i knew not longer than the 5 year period mentioned) nags me

come on ah, i need my time with ma homies la nigga. nak jugak lepak with homies for a long time, cause i havent seen them, even though some are gay, some i hate, some i have gay feelings for (lol), i still need the time.

cause of the hierarchy, its like the circle of life. how a plants grows, then, a plant is made into food, then the food is eaten by a fat guy, then obesity drowns the fat guys heart with cholesterol and shit then he dies by a heart attack, its life, and thats how it should be.

the most famous ship to sail earth maybe the titanic, but that sank. though not as famous, but the friendship sails and though sinks it will float or like be resurrected la somehow. you know.

grow up (this is long post cause this is 2 posts la ekceli, so im not gay or a lady.) by the way, i love you =) esp u. yes u. ur gay cause i love you male dude lol. i spelt dude fufe but i backspaced it lol

Friday, 25 December 2009

It would be nice though

It is rare that people remember what they dream. It is even rarer (?) for me to remember what i dream because just when its about to end, i wake up.

But this time, it different, somehow i remember what i dreamt (?), though not in detail. It was me, parallel parking a big yellow bus. I had tried once, and failed, then the 2nd time, i got lazy, and just lifted/ hoisted the bus into place. voila. easy peasy.

this is a random post.

some people write really longs posts in their blogs, but i am a disciple of Pn Sarminah, and we, or most of us (Sassians 0408 of Set A 2007-2008) have a vow that we hold on to, a vow we bring to the grave. K I S S.

Keep It Short & Simple.

Which is why i detest longs posts, but there is more. For i believe in the saying 
Quality over Quantity
I don't know if they have this saying in other languages, because i read my friend's blog that he/ she has 400++ blog posts, and people would go "good on ya chap" or "wow banyak gila", but not for me, cause there is no quality (no offence), (there is quality la but not enough) (dont amik hati afterwards i pujuk k?)

400 long and draggy essays / posts dont define a blog, in fact, for me, being a disciple of Pn Sarminah, I find it somewhat against the rules. It wasn't short, nor was it simple, but above all, it lacked a POINT, thus; it lacked the 1st and utmost the most important S in KISS, Sweet.

At first i wanted to write about fat people in The Biggest Loser but somehow i am writing about this. Don't write shorter blogs cause i tell you, remain who you are, long and boring lol. My opinion doesnt matter anyway.  

Anyway most blog posts are song lyrics. For yor information, in case you still live in the year 2005 or something, that is out of date. you know, posting a blog with lyrics or something along those lines, is unoriginal, it bland, its mundane lol. but dont change. its nice. i just wanted to get this off my chest publicly.

word of 2009 = mundane

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Mein Papa Ist Weg

to read this post pls copy paste then translate le. just auto detect language > english. senang aje bai. The translating sucks pundek, but bole la tahan... ke my grammar sucks.. either way if u are stalking me u will still do it LINK> TRANSLATE < LINK
Diese ist deutsch post fur den Kamil mit den gros Telingers. lol.

Mein Papa ist weg dowh. Er schlaeft nicht im Haus, Schlaeft nicht in Hause.
Im Abend, bin ich allein und traurig. Aber ich weine nicht.

Ich will stark sein.

Ich glaub dass er mit andere Frau schlaeft. Mit seiner freundin. Ja. Ein Mann mit einer Frau und Familie aber...

Nur manchmal...
Er kommt zu Kota Kemuning
Er kommt zu Kota Kemuning zuruck (?)

Nur manchmal hat er mir Geld gegeben. Aber alles ist gut... Fur mich... Geld ist nicht wichtig fur mich... Was ist wichtig denn?

Natuerlich Freunden..(<

Jetzt bin ich allein. Meine mama schlaeft allein auch.

Normaleweise ... Mama kauft Essen fur mich... Heute sie kommt ohne kein Essen zuruck... Keine essen heute...

Nur ein Sohn... Nur ein la sial... aber noch kein essen... mcm sial...
So wie? Wie zu leben...

Argh.. kurus ah mcm ni sial...

So jeder tag ich esse die Nuggets und Drummets und Fries. Lebe ist traurig und muede.
Computerspiel. Dann Computerspiel wieder mal. Dann Computerspiel. Dann essen am Computer Tisch. Dann Filme schauen am Computer. Dann Streamyxx buat hal cam pantat. So pantat lol. Dann schauen den Psych und Life und Scrubs...Dann schlafen... 7 stunden la sial... macam babi

Kein lebe... Weil der kein liebe ist < lol jiwang.

No life... Because there is no love...

Monday, 21 December 2009

Have Balls, (not necessarily big ones), but Have Them Nonetheless

the full title would be Have Balls, (not necessarily big ones or tegang ones, but have them nonetheless. if you are a female, have decency to have *****, not big ones or perfectly shaped ones. therefore, to become more equal, and also to apply to small children, the title is actually have nipples. cause everyone, females or males and children have them.)

So the new title is:
Have Nipples
And some ask: Why are you telling us to have nipples? We already have nipples, very fine nipples, which sometimes even turn hard when its not cold. (in my opinion only grade-A nipples turn hard even though its not cold)

Well the answer would be that, Amirul Hafizi bin Zulkifli, is pissed; (i am not he, amirul hafizi is my friend is for those who do not know), because of anonymous comments. Apparently Amirul Hafizi now called Izi, is like everyone else.

Izi does not like people who hide behind false names, or no names at all. And thus, would like then 'to have balls' or 'nut up'. Lets be brave, and not leave anonymous comments anymore.

These ideas are Izi's and not mine.

Now to what i really want to say,
Is that,
We can't say something without justifying why it is.

You can't say i am stupid without saying why i am 'stupid'

I saw a poll on Star online, where it was like

'Do you agree with the move by certain residents’ associations to block access to their neighbourhoods in a bid to fight crime?
  • Yes
  • No
  • Depends on which roads are being blocked by the barriers
View Results

the results now are 

Do you agree with the move by certain residents’ associations to block access to their neighbourhoods in a bid to fight crime?
Depends on which roads are being blocked by the barriers

See how stupid people are, judging without knowing anything. How without assessing a situation, they can agree or disagree, how 63% of the masyarakat @ rakyat of the online community can blindly vote without knowing how things are.

You want more proof of blatant stupidity? Here, let me enlighten you:

TNB has applied for an increase in the electricity tariff? What is your view on this?
It’s a fair request due to escalating production cost
It’s not the right time for TNB to ask for an increase
I need to know how much of an increase TNB is asking for

Now, see how people say no, even though not knowing how much the increase will be. Lets say TNB do something out of the norm, ie increase the tariff by 2% for instance, the effect will barely be felt.

Come on, lets assess something before saying NO! or YES of COURSE!!
Don't follow your emotions. Think la bodoh. Wait for justification, or justify.

Moral of the story? Don't say i'm stupid haters, without saying why. Sorry this post is long. Only women and gays post long posts lol. Want proof? Next post. Wait it out. Lanxiao

Friday, 18 December 2009

weh pantat

kalau nak komen panjang bukak blog sendiri

Mandi Wajib

I want to change.

I read other people's blogs, and i see that the color font while bolding things is getting too common. you know

i really miss that red balloon

so I am gonna stop doing that, I don't know who started that excellent trend, but i am just gonna stick to the sixteen shades of gray, and italic writing, though nowhere near as attractive, i just wanna make it seem more original. nobody likes fakers, except fakers themselves.

I want to justify something i wrote last time.

I want to tell you people why the Twilight saga (this time the book), sucks ass. It sucks ass so hard, that the hairs around the ***hole region are all painfully extracted from the deepest roots. Yes, that is VERY strong suction power. An estimated 280kPa.

1stly, as we all know, i have a thing against fat people. or fat people who don't want to change themselves at least, and this would include the twilight saga Author.
She may seem chubby after the make up when doing interviews on the television, but i know, deep down, that she is fat. Tubby Tub Tub.

2ndly, the plot is premature and boring. Its plain stupid romance. Wait, its not plain stupid romance. i take my words back. its stupider than that. much stupider.
She says she loves Edward than CHEATS on Edward then says she loves Jake?[ Its because fat-people don't understand how love works lol. (Reminder: author of twilight saga is fat) ]

And it wishes to be among the ranks of Harry Potter? Pathetic. It is nowhere near as long, and nowhere near as mature as the Harry Potter story. Though the characters are younger, Harry Potter provides substance, something that the author of Twilight may have not thought of (but looks like she has never heard of it aswell la kot).

Anyway, my point of posting this 3-day draft is to say:

when i went back from the masjid today, i had to lalu a sekolah. then at the sekolah punya pagar were a pair of like maybe 12 year olds, maybe 9-13 at max, that is a mere estimation though.
The FAT kid said to his curly haired friend
:Weh kena mandi wajib kan?

I didn't know how to end this blog post at first, but this is the perfect ending i can just taste it.
ps- my spidy sense is tasting it

Sunday, 13 December 2009

a Jeeva?

I am slowly releasing the pedal of the serious note, and placing it on the brakes this week.

A song always aired on radio in Malaysia is that not-so-new Akon Song, David Guetta feat Akon,

In the song there's a part when Akon says
>>"Yes she's a Jeeva (?)" "something-something i wanna be her"(?) "

I don't understand most parts of the song, and i don't think anyone who hasn't googled the lyrics can either.

But in relation to Akon's mumblings, I wanna say that I have the pleasure of having a friend named Jeeva. He is this almost if not 6 foot tall beast, very warm, and its almost as if he is the perfect candidate for Jacob in Twilight. lol. In case you haven't seen twilight, new moon, and or twilight, don't watch both, cause they suck so hard like Dyson Top Quality Vacuums.

Light Sound and all Electromagnetic Waves move at the speed of light in the presence of the Twilight series saga; ie: they suck so hard they create a perfect vacuum.

Anyway, on Jeeva, he and myself went to a Dinner for a Prizegiving ceremony one night.

We sat on the same if not adjacent tables, then he came to me.

"Weh, ko dah tengok ManU?"
(i thought he was asking me about football, and whether i wanna go catch a football match with him. He is after all a die hard Manchester United fan.

"pukul berapa, lawan team apa?"
(sadly he could not hear me over the commotion in the hall)

Then Jeeva pointed to the table
"kau dah tengok MENU belum?"

Then i was Segan nak mampus, but the thank god he didn't hear me. I controlled my machoness, and maintained Segak and Tampan. I think he didn't hear me anyway. Nice food. Yeah, nice food that night.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Weh Azman

I think i miss you.

lol wtf.

Hello, Azman.

( you are azman,  @ muhammad norazman bin asmadi 18 years old last  month, youngest child, and likes solitude. but not too much. your friend lotfi, though some poepl call him a retard, he's not, hes hot, and hes a good friend of yours )

The story is, that, azman is aperson who replies to im's late. and lotfi, though being hot and all, does have his  antics.

So lotfi wanted to come to your house, and sent an im, but you didnt reply. and when you came back to the computer screen, you saw this

so then, you saw this in your yahoo messenger screen, you thought it was wonderful, and never had the chance to thank lotfi for his beautiful abstract artwork.

>> this piece of YM artwork, isnt particualrly beautiful or detailed, but if given the proper or adequate amount of dosh @ money @ quid @ duit @ geld @ gold, i will do it proper. i think its beautiful, especially the Second A. pure art.

anyway, it is clear to everyone i am bored, i cant wait for something interesting yet not negative to happen, sure interesting things happened like that cheating incident and that i somehow dont have any money though my dad has a 5 digit income, but hey, thats life la kan

Malik, my gay friend once was unfair to me

he said "life is not fair"

but malik is not life. let life be unfair. lets be fair. lets not get amd at people who have nothing to do with the pain you @ we suffer. smile. smile =)

Sunday, 6 December 2009

Let Me Tell You Why

This is a post berkait with the fat post, which is the post prior to this one. PLease scroll down if you haven't read it. 

First and foremost, too many people assume they are fat. Here is the definiotn of fat according to the Collins Student Dictionary
>> Being fat (for a male) is when you look down, but fail to see your EHEM² because your belly is so big, you have to push your belly aside, or lift all that belly fat, then you succeed in seeing your EHEM

>>For a female, there is no specific definition of fat. But a sign of being fat is when your boyfriend's bones go CRACK or SNAP or he says "p*ki betul berat s*al" when giving you a piggy back ride (if still able to talk after breaking his spinal chord)

I may have lied about where i referred the definition, but i think it implies strongly what being fat is.

People think of a thousand reasons of being fat, emotional eater la, genetik la, but the truth is, its because i wrote the post. BEcause a skinny guy hates fat people, and the skinny guy has red eyes, and isn't too handsome or hot or whatsoever, people begin to bantah macam sial.

The fact is, being fat causes diabetes  breast cancer (including men) gallstones reduces immunity oesophagus cancer nonalcoholic steatophepatitis heart attack.

You can live to protect and find reasons to uphold the fat and blabber of fat people, or you can support the cause, and tegur orang gemuk. they are smelly and take up excess space, they order banyak gila babi barang while queing at the McD drive thru, they walk slowly at unbelievably slow speeds lol.

these are just personal things or grudges i have with fat people, i dont hate them. dont get me wrong. i care for them, which is why i write this. i dont want your fat kids and fat mums and fat siblings to mati awal, so i am teguring here, as a friend, informally, in a way that orang boleh paham, so orang boleh gelak while belajar.

eat less, exercise more, less tv, more you and me. =)

Friday, 4 December 2009

: )

Boom Chiki Boom Boom Chiki Chiki Tzet Tzet 

Pernah tak tonton The Biggest Loser?

Saya dari dulu ada masalah dengan orang yang bersaiz "lebar" @ "besar" @ senang kata gemuk la. 

Meski orang gemuk itu tidak mencari pasal @ tidak menggangu, namun ia tetap dijadikan alasan untuk menanam perasaan benci

Menggunakan teknik konvensi ICU (isi, contoh, ulasan), saya akan menerangkan perkara ini.

>> Ada orang gemuk duduk di tepi saya, di bas. Dia terpaksa berdiri, kerana lambat. Kalau bas belok sikit pun dia himpit punggung dekat-dekat dengan muka, pagi-pagi pun da bau peluh. Macam sial.

Dan tidak perlu panjang-panjang cuba mengeksplen mengapa dia sedemikian. "apapasal dia bau macam tu?" sebab dia gemuk, "apapasal dia lambat msuk bas?" sebab dia gemuk. gemuk menjadi sebab universal. 

Katakan, ada orang gemuk lambat. Meski gemuk tiada kaitan dengan lambat itu, anda boleh berkata
"weh, ko da la lambat, gemuk plak tu"

dulu di sekolah, selalu berlaku macam ni. tapi bukan dengan orang gemuk, tapi dengan orang yang kurang  handsome.
"babi, ko tak buat kerja rumah, pastu da la muka ko camtu"


Saya cuma rasa, semua ini disebabkan, saya menonton The Biggest Loser.

Saya geli tengok orang 100kg berombak-ombak ketika berlari, dan kemudian dibayar. Geli. Tengok orang gemuk exercise (exercise di sini bermaksud berjalan slow-slow apabila disuruh berlari). 

Da la gemukkan diri, gemuk plak tuh. Orang bayar suruh kurus balik. Jadi famous plak tu. MAcam-macam la orang gemuk zaman sekarang. You know if i drive, and see a fat person (or even better an obese person), i go, apasal la kau gemuk sial, even though i am alone in my car. And i drive home thinking how he got to be fat (or even better obese). HEres some advice from a very wise person on obesity, my f**ed up brain (actually its not sgt a person)

Tak payah la gemuk, kan senang. 

(this is a prejudice post. implying i am prejudice. in case youre fat, sorry. i just have a thing for people who cant take care of their own body weight by consuming too much food, even though not being hungry ke apa.

Saturday, 10 October 2009

Sememangnya Ianya Kechil

hari itu, saya menaiki kereta ke Kolej. Hari tersebut hari yang agak muram, awan-awan berkepul berbaris di langit di kala pagi. Aku menjenguk ke kanan, Saadoun @ (bloody Sakdoun) sedang membaca Quran, Kamil di kiri melayan laptop. Aku melayan jiwa. Torrent DoTA 1.24 tersekat di 99.8%, lantas menzahirkan perasaan bengang.

Aku ke Kolej, dengan sahabat-sahabatku. MyVi tidak sama dengan Wira dahulu, aku tidak selesa dengan kereta tinggi dan berbentuk kotak ini.


Sekarang rehat, aku pun sedang bosan. Machatraamalley kelihatan bosan juga. Semua orang bosan. Kecuali seorang. Yakni Tze Yong, atau sebutan guru Fizikku, DerZee Youngh. Mengapa dia tidak bosan seperti yang lain? Sedangkan kita melepak dan belajar dalam ruang yang sama?

Aku melihat ke telinganya, AH! Itu DIAH earphone headset, rupa-rupanya Tze Yong sedang mendengar lagu. Jika bosan, aku akan segera pergi mencari orang untuk dikacau, maka jelaslah mangsa aku pada hari tersebut si Tze Yong.

Aku pergi ke arahnya, (di berada di koridor kelas), lantas menegurnya.
"Weh DezEE Yongh, kamu dengar lagu apa?" (Tze yong hanya bisa berbahasa Melayu secara baku)

"Hey Mr Luuuuuuuut, Alah, kamu tak dengar lagu ini, ini lagu Cina!"

Aku pun mencari cara sempurna untuk berkongsi earpphone dengannya!

"weh, kamu pun tahu Caller Ringtone saya kan? HA! Saya pun dengar lagu Cina lah, Apa lah kamu ni"

(ini memang dialog yang berlaku antara diriku dan Tze Yong, kerana kami memperjuangkan Bahasa Ibunda)

Aku pun mengambil earphonenya, lantas cuba mendengar lagu yang dia sedang menjiwai, TETAPI...
Aku tak dapat mendengar apa-apa pun? Mengapa? Seraya aku bertanya pada Tze Yong
"Hey, apa sal (pronounced Apa Sahr) lagu ini  tak dapat dengar?"

"Eh, ada la.... Telinga kamu kecil... memang la tak dapat dengar.."

Aku dan Machatramalley pun bergelak, mengapa dia berkata Telinga aku Kecil?  ?? ???
Itu ada apa yang aku ingat dari hari Rabu 7/10/2009....

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

You Can Lick My Balls

Please do not be offended by the title, or reminisce on one of your 'adventures'. Read, and have fun.

I am sitting at the corner of the class, and it is freezing. My friend Zi Yong is sitting beside me (i think), and my other friends are scattered in the class. It was time for language class, and i tried desperately to halt my self from falling asleep.The aircond was freezing my balls off, and there I sat, with my hands once in a while trying to defrost my frozen testicles.

Foreign language was a class i enjoyed, for other people's pronunciation and sentence structures make them sound as though they are either saying something very explicit, or something very stupid; in short, foreign language is  the time for me to laugh my frozen balls off at others due to their shitty pronunciation (though mine isn't perfect).

It was time for another OoBung (exercise) to be discussed, and I had completed mine, so i returned to attending to defrosting the scrotum of my family jewels, whilst the others started to panic and discuss. I smiled, but tried to keep myself from putting on a snobbish face,

And so;
it came the time for little TYK, to read his sentence. TYK wanted to say "You can put the ball on the table", which was "Du kannst mein Ball liegen"
but what he said was much and by far something that kept me awake for the whole 2 hours...
he said
"Du kann ligt mein ball (s) lol"
what it sounded like was
You Can Lick mine Balls

 So I laughed, because this boy wasnt normally bad at foreign languages, but today, he seemed to be somewhat "thirsty" and/or "horny" lol.

I laughed at that moment. I cried at that moment. I laughed and cried at the same time, and so did my friend whom was as competent as myself at foreign languages, "Machattramalley"

And so that was how the day ended, by a boy in my class asking for someone to lick his balls. ( i think hes gay cus there are only 2 girls and around 13 boys in the class ). Toodleoos

Sunday, 27 September 2009

My First Time

This blog is titled to mislead others.

But I really do Want to share my First Time experience, my first time calling the wrong person.

The Timeline is After SPM, When i was working In PJ.
I came back from work, and was tired. And wanted to call my friend. I used my shitty Sony K610 phone to search for the contact i wanted to call. The person i wanted to call was a female.

I dialled, the dial tone sounded different. A guy picked up? I was suprised, and looked at the phone screen. Oh Shit i dialed the wrong person. But I couldnt just put down the phone, that would be rude.

He said "hello weh, apa khabar?"
I was out of ideas, of what to say and how to respond, it caught me off guard. I was Major F***ked at the time.

I was lost for words, So, I opted for the norm.
" WEh ko x kerja ke lepas SPM neh?
" Ko da amik lesen belum?
" Amacam weh ada interview x lepas SPM neh?
" Wah hensem la kau (lol)

I have to go now
SOrry this post is fuckin boring

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Gembira @ Happy @ Glücklich @ Joyeux

Jadi, mari BerSuper Lancau.

I wake up, its 6 o'clock. I'm at Cendawans. The hostel is silent; too silent. So I look to my right, my friend is still sleeping. My heart whispers to me : Why be awake and shower when nobody else has showered? Bukan dapat awek pun bangun awal-awal, pakai semart-semart, kan?

I can't believe how my thoughts were that bernas; so i went back to sleep.

I wake up, its 7: 15 a.m, and i rush, to the toilet. BUT ITS FULL. I shout "bro lama lagi ke?!", but there is not response. But i can hear the sound of SOAPING (EUUUUUUUUUW) and water SPLASHING (DOUBLE EUW la kot?) note: LOUD SOAPING. [by my standards, soaping sounds at night or petang is okay, but morning? too soon brah, too soon]

I run across the hall, and shower in my neighbours toilet. Then i go to The College, with last week's socks, the same shoes i wear everyday, and my Wednesday shirt. (assuming it was Wednesday that is, I cant remember what day la ekceli).

I reach the classroom, BUT then i realise something. Something of great importance to every human being on this earth, I FORGOT TO BRUSH MY TEETH? << (this yellow is current color of my teeth btw) Like WTF, I swear its the third time of the week i forgot to do so. I'm in such a rush in the morning sometimes i just forget. And The whole day is ruined.

I will fast forward to 6.00pm


I reach my bathroom, around this time, and look at my toothbrushing apparati (lol) apparatuses. My toothbrush seems healthy and hygenic, but wait...
Why is my Darlie toothpaste looks as though its almost finished?
[ Keeping in mind i use my toothpaste once a day most of the time due to EHEM2 (keselebetan @ disgustingness) ]

Why is the casing(?) or outside of the toothpaste covered in this black substance? The dirt around the toothpaste tube looks like Daki, @ the underneath of an unwashed armpit.

I see the other toothpastes on the sink, one is branded Wiz (?). I have never heard of the brand. The other is Suci (?) or Wangi (?) or Sugi (?) but all i know is that the other toothpastes werent as good as my Darlie toothpaste.

I can imagine my roomates, all 4 of them, (especially the Suci toothpaste user) licking the tip of my minty new Darlie toothpaste. Then again, i maybe paranoid. Argh, i need new toothpaste. someone sms me a reminder =)

(no offence to room 2503)

Sunday, 20 September 2009

It Doesn't Need a Title

Today I shall stop telling stories about Super Lancaus and my Diarrhoea related experiences, but I shall be like any other boring blogger and tell you about my Raya Day! (weeeeeeeee)

I slept late yesterday, ie; The Eve of Raya.

So today I woke up at 8, with ten messages in my inbox. My mum woke me up, saying "Lot Lot pergi Semayang Raya", I didn't feel like going today, I didn't feel like going last year too. Lately Raya seems to be a boring event, for I don' even go back to Terengganu or Kelantan. This year is a year where I am celebrating in Kota Kemuning, Shah Alam, Selangor.

My mum said "Ayah tak bangun lagi, mami da kejut da".

So I showered, then put on the kain pelikat i wore yesterday to isyak, and baju raya since i was form 3. I took the deodorant and hair cream from my bag, then my keys in the drawer. it looks like i would have to go without dad to Semayang Raya; something I havent done throughout my life so far.

My brother is celebrating Raya in Thailand

My sister is in the UK furthering her studies.

It seems it is my first raya alone. I won't cry and be all dramatic, but instead, i drag myself to the Masjid. THE MASJID is overflowing with Banglas and Pakistanis and Indian workers who arent going back to their country. Only some Malays are to be seen. THIS raya feels Too Different.

The prayer is cut short, for the Surau's power is cut off, a black out... I can't hear the speech made by the imam, people all go back and out from the surau, For THE FUSE BOX is on FIRE.

The surau is smoking, and dark. some persist; to listen to the imam. the benggalis and indians and pakistanis and some malays go back.

I go back home, my empty home, to see my mum. My aunt is there to. My dad hasn't arrived yet. He went alone; too. I see that the food on the table is Last Week's curry, and yesterday's rendang. I lost my mood to eat, for i am so used to having lavish foods during raya.

the silence at the dinner table kills me. i can only hear my dad chewing. my mum is looking at the food, smiling. I can only think of my siblings, wondering whether they are having AS MUCH fun as i am.

i say "ma, lot takde mood makan"
i ask my dad "ayah tak keluar ke"
dad says "tak la, tak gi memane"

I go upstairs, and sleep. from 9 something to 3 oclock.
I wake up and see dad is sleeping on the couch, with mum beside him.
Raya is quiet. Too quiet.
I realise raya is nothing without my sibling(s). Hope your raya was fun though. Cheerios.

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Yes, There is a New Post ; )

So i was planning to write this entry this morning at 6.01 a.m, but instead i fell asleep, and regretted not doing so. So here i am at 5.08p.m., trying to recall what i was going to write. Let me give a mukadimah (into) first hand

Ayuh kita berhenti dari berbicara tentang najis, tentang Chirit khususnya, dan selami cerekarama yang paling kerap kita semua tonton, yakni Kehidupan Harian sebagai Manusia Biasa.
(Let us put aside Diarrhoea for a moment and bread something that we all can relate to Life)

0430+- +8GMT 12092009

I am not asleep, for the Manga Bawal introduced to me the night after was quite interesting after all. I spend some hours behind the computer looking at Guitar Tabs and Chords and Manga and brainstorm for ideas; for my blog.

Then I hear my doorknob being spun rapidly, as though someone was urgently trying to get in. But you see, the door was locked. I could hear someone opening my sister's door, then opening the toilet door (all in a rush), then I see a familiar face; mum.

It was my mum, at 0430 a.m.. I am usually annoyed if i were interrupted at this hour, but not this time,
for she was bleeding

She said she was opening 'lauk' then she cut her hand, and asked me to drive her to SJMC, which i eventually did after wearing my clothes.We reached the hospital at 0500a.m. or so, and i was tired. A day without sleep, my eyes were red (redder than usual) and my head was light.

I asked mum permission to go to the store nearby SJMC, while she waited for treatment.

I bought a Red Bull, and when i drank it stung my lips. For my lips too were bleeding. They were dry, i dont know for what reason. But i am okay with the sting, for pain wakes me up. It was a long wait, for the Doctor. I watched The Happening on the HospitalTV.

The wait was killing me, for i didnt bring my phone. Even if i did bring it, what would i do, text? no girlfriend. play games? dont have good ones installed. Buy cigarettes at the store? i dont smoke. The wait killed me, for it made me think.

it made me realise that i havent been there for my mum, except this time. i dont say thank you to her consistently, and i barely am home to lepak with her. and i am her little boy, though i am 17 or 18 she still washes my clothes. her baby.

so then i end up sad, and come back home tired. feeling bad for myself. and now,
begins the 2nd period of depression.

Saturday, 5 September 2009

The Day The Super L*****s Went To School

It was a Friday, it was a gloomy Friday; it was yesterday.


I have to be frank with you, today, I too am a SL. And here is the reason why.

It is the fasting month, and muslims are encouraged to sahur, or have a meal before fasting. Due to lack of resources, I had to turn to a packet of Mamee Tomyam (instant noodles) for my sahur.

For those who no usually indulge themselves with spicy foods, well... Eating spicy foods on an empty stomach causes, what Malaysians call, chiritus-beeritus @ cirit-birit in non-sceintific lingo. Dayarea is the English word for it. Just Kidding lol Diarrhoea; is the word.

Well, at 06500 +8GMT, Friday, I was hit by this fatal symptom. (did u know Diarrhoea kills appx. 2.2million children through dehydration? Ha, amik kau. Bet u didnt kno that kot.

My gang and I were all ready to go / to depart to The College, when I got that feeling. It was The Cirit Gods whom have sent their blessing. It was time. Time for me to cirit lol.

So I said to my friend Kamil (1) There are 2 kamils
"Weh, can u wait for me kejap? (kejap = a while), I wanna take a light shit (not mentioning that my shit was the cirit kind)."

So I sat in the toilet. BUT, it wasnt any other toilet, it was MY toilet. And let me tell you something about that toilet... IT WAS DARK AS... ntah.. Dark as (google kejap)DARK AS A DUNGEON!!

Menatang starter bilik tandas aku rosak; the starter of my pendafluor light was screwed, and so sometimes the light "masturbated" or blink-blinks, (kelip-kelip). But on that Friday morning, it didn't blink, it just... Remained powerless, joule-less, and so it did not light up, for even a milisecond.

AND SO, in a nutshell, I had to sit in a dark toilet, for some 2 or 3 minutes, whilst having to withstand the smell of cirit-birit @ diarrhoea, in the dark.

When I came out, I told the other my SCARY experience. Here is the dialogue (in malay)

Ko tau, aku berak tadi, da la gelap. Pastu cirit plak aku alami. Ko tau macam apa, macam duduk dalam burit raksaksa ko tau. Gelap, berbau, pastu cam.. suasana panas-panas
You know, my shit just now, WTF. It was dark, then like.. Its like sitting in the Assh*ole of a Monster! The stench, the darkness.. and the warmth)

Shortly after that we all trodded to the College, end.

Sunday, 30 August 2009

A Look At The Past (Super Lancau Series)

This is The Super Lancau's 4th Post

From now on, every week or so there will be a Super Lancau Post, dedicated to the Super Lancau species, which thrive the world we live in today. Society is flooded with SLs.

This week, I shall share something personal, something which I have never shared with anyone before, but I shall leave it on the internet for all to read (and rate).

It is a Monday.
It is approximately 6.50-ish, and the sky glows an eerie orange. Today class ended late, so none of my roomates go jogging or play footy, they all camp in room 2503, reading, sleeping, playing games referring to myself), playing the guitar, and SHITTING (referring to Super Lancau).

It seems that Super Lancau's diet has a high intake of Sulphur, and maybe also some Ammonia and other Nitrogen based compounds.

For those who don't study chemistry, what im trying to say is that Tandas bau macam SIAL.

The Gods of Shitting were not on my side that day, because fate had decided that I had to take a major long Shit that day,

I entered the small bathroom with my boxers on, and the Heat of the Ammonium Sulphide began to seep into my lining of hingus. The heat and the smell was horrid, and I think it made my eyes burn - lol, just kidding.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I had to cangkung (squat) for 15 or so minutes, whilst having to NOt ONLY withstand Super Lancau's SHIT smell + heat, but also MY OWN SHIT smell (but no heat aura).

It was a day which I remember as DARK MONDAY, or SHITTY MONDAY.


notes dan catatan tambahan -

-I have checked my blood at Sex 7 clinic for traces of Ammoniousuperlancau-sulphide (IIX), and though I have inhaled dangerous doses of the gas, i am still fertile as a stallion
-I am running out of ideas again

Friday, 7 August 2009


Today... kan kan kan... ada new post kot?
And like you guessed it, i nk post as a girl la kot!!!?

Yes, i nak post blog ni kan, as a girl, yang, "agak" gedik jugak lah.... agak gedik glur gell!~~ OMg!! ?? Gell + glur, is that gramatically correct?? ish3

So today kan, was agak boring la kot!? I can't remember any important perisitwas happening-lah... Boring tak boring kan... ish.. BUT KAN!!~~ Semalam ada this scary thing happenned...

My physics teacher asked me an oral question (please do not relate the word oral to any sexual activity you PERVERTS), and i quote >>
" lodvi, what is the variable we are playing with here?... come on... i know you... i know you can answer" (macam sial je my cikgu call me lodvi.. but i like it.. so nevermind la kot.. lol)

WHAT-ther.... I practically FREAKED-OUT kot? KOT? C-O-A-T lol ? BECAUSE KAN... how can my Physics teacher tuh.... yang i practically know for a month or so... says he knows me? CAm... tak SCARY ke... cam S-C-A-R-Y ke?

Tiba-tiba je my cikgu Physics (yang asal dari Iraq tuh( cakap die KENAL cam K-E-N-A-L I? Gila la!!! Scary glur gell!! Oh-My-God... did i just do that gell + glur combo again... OMG... sorry la KOT... K-O-T ? ? lol

If you wanna read more about me or my blog... open my myspace blog... or my wordpress blog... or my friendster blog, ... or my facebook blog...

(my point is that girls, or some girls anyway, open so many blog accounts, which blog about the same thing over and over. why not INTEGRATE the blogs? and save time? and energy? and time? and energy? WHY DID I TYPE ENERGY AND TIME TWICE? its because YOU SAVE A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY by INTEGRATING blogs FOOL.)

1. the moral of the story is, INTEGRATE BLOGS.
2. VOTE at the TOP of this blog
3. SMS your mum and tell her i kirim salam and that you love her lol (tiba ajah)

dick dick dick

Friday, 17 July 2009

Ingat Tak Zaman Dulu

Kerana PPSMI sudah dimansuhkan (tetapi realitinya, ia masih sedang dipraktikkan, kerana hanya pada 2012 akan betul-beul dimansuhkan), maka post ini akan ditules dalam Bahasa Ibunda, atau Bahasa Melayu

Jadi saya ingin berkongsi kisah zaman dahulu, yang masihku ingat,dan agak segar dalam memoriku. Ianya berlaku dalam sekitar 1995, pabilaku masuh umur mentah, yakni 4 tahun. Di kala itu, aku masih di tadika.

Aku ke tadika berpakaian seperti kelasi dari kartun, baju puteh, ada belang biru di kolar. Di kala itu, rambutku disikat ke tepi, muka masih licin seperti punggung bayi, dan mata masih putih, gigi masih rongak. Begitu contrast dengan sekarang. (mata merah, gigi mantap sekali, handsome lol).

Aku ke tadika menaiki van, penuh dengan kanak-kanak lain
yang segenerasi denganku. Rakan karibku merupakan sepasang kembar, (maaf kerana tidak ingat nama), mereka hitam manis, dan juga merupakan jiran tetangga. Kerana ibuku mendidikku dengan begitu mantap (dan sempurna), belajar di Tadika mudah. Sekadar A B C dan 1 + 5. Ianya seronok, kerana aku dapat menumpukan perhatian pada bermain-main dan berborak tentang Episod Ultraman pada hari sebelumnya.

Petang pula lumba basikal di jalan yang lurus, di mana rumahku terletak. Ibu telah membuat peraturan (yang sering dipertikaikan); iaitu tidak boleh turun ke tanah sebelum pukul 6 petang. Berdegup kencang jantung menunggu 5.50 (kerana curi-curi keluar awal).

Malam, sekeluarga ke Pizza Hut, menyambut Abang yang telah mendapat tempat pertama untuk peperiksaan. Itulah Abang di mataku, sentiasa nombor 1, peperiksaan nombor satu, jawatan Ketua Pengawas, sememangnya idola.
Jika hari lain, kita ke Warta, membeli-belah dan menambah barangan keperluan harian. Kemudian ke warong untuk dinner. Ayah order teh tarik, menjadi Trademark-nya ketikaku kecil, air itu sinonim dengan perkataan Ayah.

Petang pada hujung minggu Ayah menonton Televisi. Pabila Abang sangkakan Ayah tidur, dan menukar saluran @ channel di Televisi, Ayah pun "oih jangan tukar!". Seperti magis, dengan matanya pejam pun Ayah bisa menonton Televisi. Sesuatu yang menakjubkan.
Sekali sekala abang ke kedai (yang berhampiran), untuk membeli Benson Hedges 20 (rokok orang tua yang berat lagi padat). Ketika itu Ayah heavy smoker, iaitu menghisap sekotak rokok atau lebih dalam tempoh sehari.

Namun begitu, kita masih sekeluarga, masih gembira. Ke pasar pagi atau Pasar Selayang, hanya aku, kakak, dan Abang serta Ayah menaiki motor (aku dalam bakul, Abang di belakang (membonceng), Kakak di tengah, Ayah bawa motor.
Di warong, ayah menyalakan sebatang Benson & Hedges-nya. Segera aku menjerit- "ayah buat 'O'!! Buat 'O'!! " dan Ayah pun menghembus sekepul asap berbentuk cincin.

Itulah kenangan. Yang kini aku kenal seperti impian. Lol. DIck. Dick. Dick lol.

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Pabila Super Lancau Mengorak Langkah

Today lets look back on an istilah which I seldom use, but is so relevant in our daily lives; Super Lancau

Super Lancau
is a new form of lancau, which causes frustration, anger, and is the cause of "SL" is simply because of stupidity. SL is triggered by stupidity (or rudeness).

I woke up on Thursday, late as usual. It was Mafia who woke me up if I am not mistaken. As I looked outside my room, I saw the others had already worn their 'go-to-class' attire. So I quickly got myself up, to take my 'kerbau-like' shower.

As I wash brushing my teeth, I remembered my roommate was still sleeping, so I told my other roommate to wake him. And as I was about to finish brushing my teeth, he entered the toilet, and entered the shower; which I was abou to enter.

Now try say it aloud, cuba sebut kuat-kuat, S-U-P-E-R L-A-N-C-A-U
Yes, it was frustrating because I was already late. And the person who i woke up delayed me even more. It is like Kacang Lupakan Kulit, but a Super Lancau version.

Because the only shower was occupied, I went to the empty room beside mine. The room is empty, and used only when my friend wants to play with his remote control car. BUT, the shower was occupied.

I knocked on the door
'oih lama lagi ke?'
> 'takdeeeeeeeeeeeeeelah, kejap je'

I didn't know whom it was, but i waited for him. Turns out, he had only started showering. I could see his hand reach for his Body Wash which he had placed on the toilet wall.

Sekarang adik-adik, cuba ikut abang, sebut S-U-P-E-R L-A-N-C-A-U
Damn. A very frustrating morning.

Saturday, 11 July 2009

My Gay Morning (featuring Ilham Kamil)

So a few days back, (Wednesday to be precise @ specific), i had a/an (extremely) gay experience. It was 7++ in the morning, and my stomach was grumbling. So I decided to go to the toilet to have a brief 'thinking session' in the toilet.

The other 'children' lol, had already went on the bus to have breakfast at the College. But me and my friend Ilham Kamil decided to take The Road Not Taken, ie; not having breakfast, but instead, taking the late bus.

It was then, at the bus station, where my friend Ilham Kamil @ Mafia (from now on he will be called Mafia) spotted a'bidadari' lol. Actually, what he spotted was ba beautiful bapuk wearing a white sweater. the rambut of the bapuk was rebonded, or naturally very straight. HER face (lol) was covered in a thin layer of powder (judging by her beauty, it was most probably Olay, or SHE was naturally beautiful LOL).

SHE talked to her less beautiful bapuk friend who was nowhere as beautiful as SHE was lol. SUDDENLY, the RapidKL comes zooming. So the bapuk had moved beside Mafia. I had not noticed that bidadari and Mafia were side by side.... UNTIL Mafia gave a sharp look at me.

The penetrating eyes of Mafia had reached deep into mysoul, thus, i looked at him. Mafia was beside the bapuk! And is seems that he was very happy, or steam lol.

Mafia and I had talked about the bapuk's beauty while on the way to The College. It was a gay day, a very gay day

Monday, 8 June 2009

Can You, Reader, Please, Tell Me What Just Happenned?

I don't have time to YM due to my awkward nocturnal habits, and also habits of getting bored in the middle of conversations, and, the fact that most of the time I will be at Universitas Islam Antarabangsa Malaysia's FC, not behind my RM25 keyboard.

Tell me reader, esp- fanah, malik, what just happenned. -and, dont give corny sentences like 'he loves you' and 'he's just showing that he cares', because that is bullshit, and i stopped believing in bullshit al ong time ago. 

Let me give you details.
The time is 10.17a.m., i am at home. I woke from a nightmare earlier at 8.14a.m., and once again after that, around 8.30a.m., due to another dream.

The Third time i woke up, was when my father was shouting at me. And he shouted ; "lot bangun, taufiq nak datang, dengan 'family' dia"
-note 1; its nice to know someone still has a family
So i say to my dad, in an ordinary tone, the tone of someone who just woke up, "kejap lagi la, bagi lot masa sikit"
-note 2; i am the only one of my 3 siblings, who says 'lot bangun kejap lagi la', and actually wakes up, and my dad said this, not myself, i am only quoting
But then my dad acts weird, and thus becoming and developing 'super-lancau' like ability, "apa ni, apa pasal marah, kurang hajar betul"
I reply "lot tak marah la ayah...." (in a sleepy non-marah tone)
But my dad walks out, while 'berzikir' "kurang hajar" (or so i think, because i could only see him but not hear him)

Ok, let me tell you the reasons why i slept late, one by one.
1- i wanted to chat with syafiq
2- i wanted to annoy malik
3- i wanted to wait for 'ayah' to come back, and ask him where he's been, and why he's so late, and why, he didn't sms to tell where he was.

Now, see one of the three reasons above, and tell me, which one do you think was ACTUALLY the reason.

But, i was stupid, because, 'ayah' never even came home yesterday. Aduh Lotfi, staying up late to wait for dad again? Idiot, dad's not coming home.
I wish some stranger would some up to me, slap me, and say "weh bodoh, buat apa ko penat-penat berjaga, ayah ko tak balik la malam ni, bapak bodoh ko pergi tunggu, bodoh bahlul. ko bahlul bait"
(lol b-ahlul bait". i do not mean to insult the ahlul bait, but it seems that i am part of a stupid house ((if bait does mean house)) ) lol

Cheer me up, Let me down. wasalam.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

You Guessed It

I entered the small, air-conditioned room, filled with twenty people inside. One pencil in my hand, the other hanging by my right ear. Everyone began to write down their name and matrix numbers, but i waited. like i did in school, i waited for everyone to start, then only i would begin. i read prayers to ask Him to give me success, as He has many times. The sound of people around me flipping pages was almost synchronized, almost as though that had trained hours to get the sound right.

I began the English Placement Test, and planned not to check my answers, for i was sleepy. i had dozed off, but only for a couple of minutes. Then i began my essay, whereby an argumentative topic was given. Families should have pets. Do you agree? hell no. i didn't have any points yet, but a feeling in my gut told me to disagree, and i did, and i did not regret doing so.

It is now monday, the 1st of June. I am in the Al-Malik Faisal Hall, listening to a career talk on Biomedical Science and Bio... I can't remember... I was asleep... Then an SMS had awoken me from my 2-hour sleep... "ko arab level 1, english ko kena duduk listening and speaking"

Syukur, L/S... The highest grade i could have achieved, i smiled, and the people beside me asked me why i was smiling like an imbecile. Thus i answered them, saying the EPT results have gone out. 'pendek cerita', i am exempted from taking english classes. So i smiled. 

People who i know walk by me and say "exempted sioooot" and i do the only thing that comes to mind, which is say "leks ah bro" . Only two people taking physical science are exempted, which makes me even happier. 

(exempted in this context means i do not have to take english classes because i am already proficient in the language, alhamdulillah)

I've been smiling alot lately. 

>> do not waste time on one question, the basics must be mastered.

ie>> he she it , uses "is". we, you, uses "are", i uses "am"
>> vocabulary must be mastered at a not so high level, so reading newspapers help alot
>> for the essay, just keep handwriting tidy, and dont try to be bombastic. insyaAllah you will succeed. 

all the best
see the boxes at the bottom (of the post) ? Tick one if you have the time. Because if the genre is disliked, similar posts won't be done. thanks. btw fuck nuffnang.