mari mengenal lot!"ey lot, kurapkah anda?"
So today i came back from work, stressed out. So i went in the shower and scratched my wounds and made new wounds. When i wiped my face i wiped my eyelids many-many times. It itches like hell. And it has for a few years now. All this stress is getting to me. Today i asked my mum for money again. Everyday its the same story, the same cycle.
"ma tolong tinggal duit utk lot makan, ngn duit skit utk lot nak beli bla3"
I dunno why, but i have grown this habit of being of being embarrassed, if not ashamed, when asking for money. At school
"ni ha ayah bagi 50" >> "tak takpela, 30 dahla, bukan lot makan kantin pun"its weird, but i guess i was accidentally brought up this way? mungkin. maybe. proooobably.
Today i read a post about me. which was weird. Damn. Its like reading this blog, which was from yesterday*. But oh well. (yesterday = fakta sudah kuno dan tiada kena mengena dengan keadaan kini, dan biasanya disebabkan, something2 lol mls nk tuleh)
So lately someone told me something that changed me. That restructured my thoughts and way of thinking. That amplifies my problems and makes everyone elses look smaller*; less important; less relevant, unnecessary. (the word smaller ni inappropriate la ekceli)
So what if you have an exam and you havent studied. So what if you dont and havent found a girlfriend. So what if you dont know where to go to further our studies. So what if you didnt pass your JPJ test. So what? - i dont know. Its not that i dont care. I do. But i feel other things are more important. But it doesnt mean others' people's problems arent important.
SO lets say, my "social unit" is separated, ie: not living together. We become "individual units" living "separately", instead of the proposed "social unit" living "together". Is that technically a family by definition? Well, No.
So tell me to appreciate something i dont have. Tell me to appreciate the BMW 5 series i drive while you are at it. Tell me to appreciate the Topman shirts i wear, the Byford socks, the LCD TV, the "family" i come home to.
Tell me, how to appreciate, something, that is not there. Thus, you can teach a blind man to see, thus, you can make a deaf man hear, and a dumb man talk. ignorance.