Sunday, 27 September 2009

My First Time

This blog is titled to mislead others.

But I really do Want to share my First Time experience, my first time calling the wrong person.

The Timeline is After SPM, When i was working In PJ.
I came back from work, and was tired. And wanted to call my friend. I used my shitty Sony K610 phone to search for the contact i wanted to call. The person i wanted to call was a female.

I dialled, the dial tone sounded different. A guy picked up? I was suprised, and looked at the phone screen. Oh Shit i dialed the wrong person. But I couldnt just put down the phone, that would be rude.

He said "hello weh, apa khabar?"
I was out of ideas, of what to say and how to respond, it caught me off guard. I was Major F***ked at the time.

I was lost for words, So, I opted for the norm.
" WEh ko x kerja ke lepas SPM neh?
" Ko da amik lesen belum?
" Amacam weh ada interview x lepas SPM neh?
" Wah hensem la kau (lol)

I have to go now
SOrry this post is fuckin boring

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Gembira @ Happy @ Glücklich @ Joyeux

Jadi, mari BerSuper Lancau.

I wake up, its 6 o'clock. I'm at Cendawans. The hostel is silent; too silent. So I look to my right, my friend is still sleeping. My heart whispers to me : Why be awake and shower when nobody else has showered? Bukan dapat awek pun bangun awal-awal, pakai semart-semart, kan?

I can't believe how my thoughts were that bernas; so i went back to sleep.

I wake up, its 7: 15 a.m, and i rush, to the toilet. BUT ITS FULL. I shout "bro lama lagi ke?!", but there is not response. But i can hear the sound of SOAPING (EUUUUUUUUUW) and water SPLASHING (DOUBLE EUW la kot?) note: LOUD SOAPING. [by my standards, soaping sounds at night or petang is okay, but morning? too soon brah, too soon]

I run across the hall, and shower in my neighbours toilet. Then i go to The College, with last week's socks, the same shoes i wear everyday, and my Wednesday shirt. (assuming it was Wednesday that is, I cant remember what day la ekceli).

I reach the classroom, BUT then i realise something. Something of great importance to every human being on this earth, I FORGOT TO BRUSH MY TEETH? << (this yellow is current color of my teeth btw) Like WTF, I swear its the third time of the week i forgot to do so. I'm in such a rush in the morning sometimes i just forget. And The whole day is ruined.

I will fast forward to 6.00pm

THE TIME IS 6:00 P M

I reach my bathroom, around this time, and look at my toothbrushing apparati (lol) apparatuses. My toothbrush seems healthy and hygenic, but wait...
Why is my Darlie toothpaste looks as though its almost finished?
[ Keeping in mind i use my toothpaste once a day most of the time due to EHEM2 (keselebetan @ disgustingness) ]

Why is the casing(?) or outside of the toothpaste covered in this black substance? The dirt around the toothpaste tube looks like Daki, @ the underneath of an unwashed armpit.

I see the other toothpastes on the sink, one is branded Wiz (?). I have never heard of the brand. The other is Suci (?) or Wangi (?) or Sugi (?) but all i know is that the other toothpastes werent as good as my Darlie toothpaste.

I can imagine my roomates, all 4 of them, (especially the Suci toothpaste user) licking the tip of my minty new Darlie toothpaste. Then again, i maybe paranoid. Argh, i need new toothpaste. someone sms me a reminder =)

(no offence to room 2503)

Sunday, 20 September 2009

It Doesn't Need a Title

Today I shall stop telling stories about Super Lancaus and my Diarrhoea related experiences, but I shall be like any other boring blogger and tell you about my Raya Day! (weeeeeeeee)

I slept late yesterday, ie; The Eve of Raya.

So today I woke up at 8, with ten messages in my inbox. My mum woke me up, saying "Lot Lot pergi Semayang Raya", I didn't feel like going today, I didn't feel like going last year too. Lately Raya seems to be a boring event, for I don' even go back to Terengganu or Kelantan. This year is a year where I am celebrating in Kota Kemuning, Shah Alam, Selangor.

My mum said "Ayah tak bangun lagi, mami da kejut da".

So I showered, then put on the kain pelikat i wore yesterday to isyak, and baju raya since i was form 3. I took the deodorant and hair cream from my bag, then my keys in the drawer. it looks like i would have to go without dad to Semayang Raya; something I havent done throughout my life so far.

My brother is celebrating Raya in Thailand

My sister is in the UK furthering her studies.

It seems it is my first raya alone. I won't cry and be all dramatic, but instead, i drag myself to the Masjid. THE MASJID is overflowing with Banglas and Pakistanis and Indian workers who arent going back to their country. Only some Malays are to be seen. THIS raya feels Too Different.

The prayer is cut short, for the Surau's power is cut off, a black out... I can't hear the speech made by the imam, people all go back and out from the surau, For THE FUSE BOX is on FIRE.

The surau is smoking, and dark. some persist; to listen to the imam. the benggalis and indians and pakistanis and some malays go back.

I go back home, my empty home, to see my mum. My aunt is there to. My dad hasn't arrived yet. He went alone; too. I see that the food on the table is Last Week's curry, and yesterday's rendang. I lost my mood to eat, for i am so used to having lavish foods during raya.

the silence at the dinner table kills me. i can only hear my dad chewing. my mum is looking at the food, smiling. I can only think of my siblings, wondering whether they are having AS MUCH fun as i am.

i say "ma, lot takde mood makan"
i ask my dad "ayah tak keluar ke"
dad says "tak la, tak gi memane"

I go upstairs, and sleep. from 9 something to 3 oclock.
I wake up and see dad is sleeping on the couch, with mum beside him.
Raya is quiet. Too quiet.
I realise raya is nothing without my sibling(s). Hope your raya was fun though. Cheerios.

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Yes, There is a New Post ; )

So i was planning to write this entry this morning at 6.01 a.m, but instead i fell asleep, and regretted not doing so. So here i am at 5.08p.m., trying to recall what i was going to write. Let me give a mukadimah (into) first hand

Ayuh kita berhenti dari berbicara tentang najis, tentang Chirit khususnya, dan selami cerekarama yang paling kerap kita semua tonton, yakni Kehidupan Harian sebagai Manusia Biasa.
(Let us put aside Diarrhoea for a moment and bread something that we all can relate to Life)

0430+- +8GMT 12092009

I am not asleep, for the Manga Bawal introduced to me the night after was quite interesting after all. I spend some hours behind the computer looking at Guitar Tabs and Chords and Manga and brainstorm for ideas; for my blog.

Then I hear my doorknob being spun rapidly, as though someone was urgently trying to get in. But you see, the door was locked. I could hear someone opening my sister's door, then opening the toilet door (all in a rush), then I see a familiar face; mum.

It was my mum, at 0430 a.m.. I am usually annoyed if i were interrupted at this hour, but not this time,
for she was bleeding

She said she was opening 'lauk' then she cut her hand, and asked me to drive her to SJMC, which i eventually did after wearing my clothes.We reached the hospital at 0500a.m. or so, and i was tired. A day without sleep, my eyes were red (redder than usual) and my head was light.

I asked mum permission to go to the store nearby SJMC, while she waited for treatment.

I bought a Red Bull, and when i drank it stung my lips. For my lips too were bleeding. They were dry, i dont know for what reason. But i am okay with the sting, for pain wakes me up. It was a long wait, for the Doctor. I watched The Happening on the HospitalTV.

The wait was killing me, for i didnt bring my phone. Even if i did bring it, what would i do, text? no girlfriend. play games? dont have good ones installed. Buy cigarettes at the store? i dont smoke. The wait killed me, for it made me think.

it made me realise that i havent been there for my mum, except this time. i dont say thank you to her consistently, and i barely am home to lepak with her. and i am her little boy, though i am 17 or 18 she still washes my clothes. her baby.

so then i end up sad, and come back home tired. feeling bad for myself. and now,
begins the 2nd period of depression.



Saturday, 5 September 2009

The Day The Super L*****s Went To School

It was a Friday, it was a gloomy Friday; it was yesterday.

Friday 0650 HOURS LOCATION: CENDAWANS SEX 6 SUBJECT: 3 SUPER LANCAUs PREPARING TO GO TO THE COLLEGE

I have to be frank with you, today, I too am a SL. And here is the reason why.

It is the fasting month, and muslims are encouraged to sahur, or have a meal before fasting. Due to lack of resources, I had to turn to a packet of Mamee Tomyam (instant noodles) for my sahur.

For those who no usually indulge themselves with spicy foods, well... Eating spicy foods on an empty stomach causes, what Malaysians call, chiritus-beeritus @ cirit-birit in non-sceintific lingo. Dayarea is the English word for it. Just Kidding lol Diarrhoea; is the word.

Well, at 06500 +8GMT, Friday, I was hit by this fatal symptom. (did u know Diarrhoea kills appx. 2.2million children through dehydration? Ha, amik kau. Bet u didnt kno that kot.

My gang and I were all ready to go / to depart to The College, when I got that feeling. It was The Cirit Gods whom have sent their blessing. It was time. Time for me to cirit lol.

So I said to my friend Kamil (1) There are 2 kamils
"Weh, can u wait for me kejap? (kejap = a while), I wanna take a light shit (not mentioning that my shit was the cirit kind)."

So I sat in the toilet. BUT, it wasnt any other toilet, it was MY toilet. And let me tell you something about that toilet... IT WAS DARK AS... ntah.. Dark as (google kejap)DARK AS A DUNGEON!!

Menatang starter bilik tandas aku rosak; the starter of my pendafluor light was screwed, and so sometimes the light "masturbated" or blink-blinks, (kelip-kelip). But on that Friday morning, it didn't blink, it just... Remained powerless, joule-less, and so it did not light up, for even a milisecond.

AND SO, in a nutshell, I had to sit in a dark toilet, for some 2 or 3 minutes, whilst having to withstand the smell of cirit-birit @ diarrhoea, in the dark.

When I came out, I told the other my SCARY experience. Here is the dialogue (in malay)

Ko tau, aku berak tadi, da la gelap. Pastu cirit plak aku alami. Ko tau macam apa, macam duduk dalam burit raksaksa ko tau. Gelap, berbau, pastu cam.. suasana panas-panas
(
You know, my shit just now, WTF. It was dark, then like.. Its like sitting in the Assh*ole of a Monster! The stench, the darkness.. and the warmth)

Shortly after that we all trodded to the College, end.
see the boxes at the bottom (of the post) ? Tick one if you have the time. Because if the genre is disliked, similar posts won't be done. thanks. btw fuck nuffnang.