Monday, 27 December 2010

Wira Tungau

Usually its the old people, who look at their children, grow up, and then go

"oh, look how fast they grow. it felt like yesterday. i feel like i was teaching him.her to walk yesterday. now shes so big. has his her own child"

i thought it was stupid. i never felt that way before. cause i dont have a little brother or little sister. but almost everything thats sad and stupid works both ways.

So my brother was going back home, after coming over to sort of hang out during the weekends. So as he was reversing his car and what not, i felt like it was yesterday that i climbed his shoulder and bit him.

felt like yesterday he came back from school, and taught me my first English swear word.

felt like yesterday we jaga anak burung puyuh.

and everytime he goes back, it would be me and my mother, waving goodbye. my mum smiling, to her only granddaughter. and her only granddaughter smiling back.

and everytime we balik kampung, as i am driving the car, and my dad sits beside me, before he dozed to sleep, he would say

'dulu rasa macam ramai sangat. ada 3 anak je. tapi smua gerak-gerak. bising-bising. rasa macam ada 5 anak. tapi sekarang...'

you could tell he was sad. he would use that voice. that voice that he misses his children so much. he would turn his body to the left a little. but what hurts the most would be that big sigh.

he'd inhale, and exhale. that long. and deep. sigh.

then he would fell asleep, as the family of 3 headed back to the kampung. remembering what was.

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Oh; Ayah. Oh; Ibu!

thx aiworgh for the title.

this is a story that i'll remember forever. cause when we have someone. and that someone comes in and comes out of your life. you tend to remember every single detail of the time you spend together. sort of makes you appreciate time and the person more

ANyways. One day i was driving. And my dad was beside me trying to get some sleep. Thats what we big boys do. We tukar-tukar giliran on the way to the kampung, while one of us sleeps. 

So then he woke up, then a really laju punya Mat Motor passes by

When i was already driving at around 120km/h

So then my dad wakes up and says ( i have altered the version to be more user and teenager frenly)

"weh lotters"

"wazzup ayahkins skywalker... did u see what i did there? lah nemind..wat izit?"

"ada motor tadi, lalu laju gle"

"haah"

"ayah dulu ada kawan... pastu.. ada motor lalu laju"

"why are u telling me this"

"pastu lotters... kawan ayah tu... pergi langgar mat motor tu..."

"sebab apa & still, y r u telling me this"

"sebab mat moto tu bawak cam sial"

"mati la kira mat motor tu?"

"haah... lolz"

i dont know why my dad told me that story... i sort of get the impression that he wanted me to langgar that mat motor like his friend did (his friend did not go to jail or wtv) good day people. drive safe.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

The Grass Is Green

i'm sitting next to this chinese boy in class, but he's not my classmate. we're studying in groups instead of classes.

so i guess i'll call him a groupmate.

anyway, i'm sitting next to him, arranging my pens and spinning my handphone on the table while the tachnical officer is talking and talking about God knows what. i was listening but also not listening.

out of desperation i have a conversation with the guy next to me, and as i look at him, he says


''weh lot, mata (pronounced mah-ta not mah-ter) kamu merah la"

well, why didn't he just say

"rambut kamu hitam" or "rumput itu hijau"

cause i already know. and i can;t really do anything to change how it is. or how they are.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

300

We are 300 Strong.

This is not the first time i reached 300 posts. Every once in a while i delete old posts, or new posts, because they offend people.

So if you want to read really shitty work by a great mind, this will most probably be the last day.

By the way, i just failed two more tests.

I can see a bright future for myself. Working at kedai lampu at seksyen 9 dekat sebelah that Kari Kepala Ikan shop. A bright future indeed.

Here's a quote. Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, he will eat for a lifetime.

See, how there are actually quotes out there which stick in your head, and theyre education related quotes, not stupid quotes like, oh i donno, love bla bla bla bullshit. And motivation bullshit.And other stuff.

When will we for once, write some EYE OPENING and INSPIRING bullshit, rather than just diary or rant based bullshit. Write stuff which make people think twice about killing themselves, that would be great.

Reminder to all: Learn to fish.

Sunday, 24 October 2010

Skype Again

i think the creator or editor of skype is a friend of mine

and not only is he a friend, but also a chinese friend

i have plenty of those i think

anyway, here is the proof


see the first line
"calling phones ah lot?"
i think he wanted to spell a to AH

like
oi lot, calling phones ah?

like that la...  see... correct kan..i don't think other people get this 60% offer... its like he knew me... then approached me and all.. you know... offered me la.. in private

its also my friend cus usually spammers je which spell names with Capital Front letter... like hey Lot

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

A Cat is Much More Than A Cat

So I used to have this really stupid cat. But now, the cat is not so stupid. It no longer shits behind the TV set. It has become a normal cat.

My mother and I don't have anything in common, except when i told her to look after the cat when i'm gone.

So i said to my mum
"bila lot pergi Sekolah (college), mami tolong tengokkan kucing ni eh?"

and my mum, like all mothers to their most manja-d son, will nod.
The thing is, my mum has an allergy towards furry animals.(towards fur in truth)

And in case you didn't notice, cats aren't exactly FUR-less. They have fur. And my cat, likes going into the house, to ask for food.

Now, everytime i go back, my mum, who used to not let me have a cat, will say
"kucing lot da pandai buat kawan! dia kawan dengan kucing Kelabu Mr. Lim"

Then i'd say 
"memang ma! tu boyfriend dia... dia dah tak lepak kat rumah dah.. dia pergi dating"

All this while, i was looking for a missing connection with my mum. I tried helping her cook, and i tried going out with her more often for dinner. But the cat really did it for me. We can have a normal conversation, now that the cat bonds us.

She not only looks after my cat, but also Ginger, my other cat which i stole from my neighbour. =D

I don't know whether this is just a fake relationship or what not, but it feels nice. And i think it is.

And everytime i see my once-stupid cat guling guling on the lantai, while waiting for me to give it food, i remember how such a stupid thing can work wonders

Monday, 11 October 2010

Air Nescafe Itu Manis

The year is 2007. perhaps the most unproductive year in my life, besides 2009. 


anyway, the water cooler is 4 floors below. it is 1 a.m. And i, as the master of Coffeemix and Nescafe, am making a dangerous concoction of 2 Mild 3 in 1s, tonight.


so after 114 steps to the water cooler, i have finally produced a fine blend of coffee. and it smells nice. and it tastes nice. and its not too warm. and not too hot. and not too sweet, and not too bitter. i would say, it was the perfect cup of coffee.


so then, i climb 114 steps back up, to the darkest of the dark rooms, my room. and i sit on my tak beralas punya bed, and start to sip the cup of perfection.


the warmth was much like the warmth you feel when pissing in a swimming pool on a cold day, it was, overwhelming. not only was the coffee warming the tongue, but it sort of warms your body, much like your urine in the swimming pool.


then, like pokemon the Red Version:
a wild Palat has appeared!


Palat "asks for coffee!"


then the Palat took a sip from my cup of Perfection.


Palat says "your Coffee is not nice. its too cold. it tastes like Taik Kelawar"


I'm like. Dude. The coffee isnt for you. i climbed 114 steps and went down another 114 steps to take the hot water to make that. Its like. Come on la.


'aku ni sensitif orangnya' 'jagala hati aku man' . come on la bro. i went a long way to make that coffee, for my self. then u 'pao' me, then u dont have the decency to at least give some positive comments on the coffee that i made.


sesungguhnya, hati ini terluka ah. 


picnochio malam ni pujuk aku ; )

Monday, 4 October 2010

CAR 92

guess what

what

yesterday i saw a car, and guess what the plate number was

what was the plate number thing

it was CAR 92!
oh gila la weh?!

who would have guessed it. a car, with the plate CAR. now you dont see that everyday do you. unless you are the owner of that CAR, get it? not car, but CAR cus its the license plate number.

anyway, people are fond of borrowing cars from people who have cars. that is a fact.and so, on this beautiful sunday morning, someone asked me if they could borrow my car. i asked them where they wanted to go.

because i am a human. thus i am curious. then he told me

"oh, i am going out with my best friend"

yeah, that doesnt really answer my question. so i asked them again, kau nak pergi mana?

"aku nak klua dgn ahmad"

yeah, again, i know ahmad is your best friend. but WHERE, wo, mana, are you, going?

"takpela"

then, he signed out. he didnt have the courtesy to call me in the first place. he used the shittiest chat system in the world, FACEBOOK chat.

its not that i want to be a jerk, its just that, i dont like the idea of someone going JUNGLE TREKKING with my car. or travelling to MELAKA to take something they left during the holidays. young drivers nowadays are VERY inexperienced. last thing i want is him going to TAMAN NEGARA with my car. so just answer the question.

WHERE

ARE

YOu

Going

la

babi

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Because It Takes Two To Whisper Quietly

none of these are mine, but they should be




anyway


selamat hari raya. and. happy not reading this blog.

Monday, 6 September 2010

Cats Can Walk Through Walls

A few days back i brought my cat back home. And the first thing that i said when my family saw the cat was

"you have to watch out. This cat is really stupid. it shits everywhere"
And my family, being nice people, said
"lotfi thats not a nice thing to say!"

Anyway, as proof taht my cat is stupid, i shall present a Cherpen. Or Cherita Pendek. Or Short Story. Shorsto.

So the family is eating at the dining table, as we are having our iftar. Then the cat comes in. So i say aloud
"kan dah cakap kucing ni bodoh"
so i close the door, and the cat sits quietly outside.

Then my family hear a loud "bump" noise. So we look around, to see if my niece fell down or whatever. But then we looked to the door. And it turned out to be my stupid cat, which headbutted the glass door.

I mean, how stupid can a cat be.

Anyway, we all laughed at my cat being stupid headbutting the door.

So the night before, i closed the door, to make sure the stupid cat doesn't come in. And warned my family not to let the Stupid Cat in also.
But next thing i know is my sister wakes me up saying
"weh lotfi, your stupid cat berak belakang TV"

and the first thing i thought of was
"HOW THE HELL DID MY CAT WALK THROUGH A FUKIN GLASS DOOR"

then it occured to me, that cats cant WALK THROUGH DOORS! so i felt stupid.

so i had come to the conclusion that my Stupid Cat walked through the walls, of course, like any other cat does.

Seeing that you know, contractors nowadays, cut corners here and there to save money, im not surprised that even a stupid cat such as mine managed to walk through my house's walls with such ease, and shitted@shat behind my Tv.

my cat if she were a human.

(ps- someone opened the door. i have no such superpowered cat)

Thursday, 2 September 2010

Mineral Water: Where Does It Come From?

Where does mineral water come from?

Well, in this post you will get to know alot about Mineral Water.

Well, the story is like this. 

One day, i buy mineral water at a kiosk. Like any bottle of mineral water, it comes in a, well, bottle.

And as i am sipping on the chilled water that i enjoy so much, my friend asks me a very good, and interesting question.

And so he asked me
"how do you know that water, is mineral water? not just any other water"

I ask him for more details, because it sounded like a very stupid (and suspicious) question. and so he continued
"lah, lets say you see some water, (while pointing his finger to a table, as though he implies taht there is a pool of mineral water on the table) and you want to know, whether it is mineral water or not, how would you know?"

Based on my experience, and also my ability to guess and create facts on hand, i said
"its easy, mineral water, has no bubbles. tap water, does!"

i smiled, because even though i created that fact out of thin air, it sounded believeable. 

then he says, like any other malaysian teenager
"bodoh! bukan macam tu. (not like that). mineral water's bottle cap is blue! drinking or Reverso-Osmosis water's bittle cap is white!"

I was very disappointed. Now let me tell you why.

Contradictary to popular (and stupid) belief, mineral water, actually, does not originate from bottles! Yes! Oh my god!

Who would have thought of it, water, no, mineral water to be specific, does not magically appear in blue-bottle capped-bottles! Mineral water, actually comes from natural sources!

I know! At first, i was stupid as well. I thought mineral water couldnt exist outside of blue bottles. I thought that mineral water was like a gas, and it has to be be in a bottle with a blue cap, so that we can see it and drink it!
But no!!

Mineral water comes from underground sources named aquifers! I should tell my friend that his belief that mineral water somehow appears in blue-bottle capped bottles is wrong, but like all Malaysians, he thinks is is never wrong, and when proven wrong, he refers to his rule number 1. which is : he is never wrong.

So what have we learned today children? Its that mineral water comes from underground sources named aquifers, and is not magically produced from well, magic!

This may be a surprise to many of you out there who think that mineral water only exists in bottles with blue caps, but please, do not be. I sure hope that the Malaysian government does not force me to retract this post, because it will shock many people not only in Malaysia but also across the globe.

Mineral water prices are RM1 for 500ml/ 600ml bottles, but may rise to RM6 per bottle in stupid places such as the F1 circuit and Sunway Lagoon.

Monday, 16 August 2010

Kultur und Erfolg,

Culture and Success.

People believe Secularism is key to success.Work - Culture - Religion = Success.

Well, since we are in the mood of proving people wrong, and talking bad about people, why not explain this theory i have come up with.

What is Malaysian culture? For me, it is, wearing slippers, wearing kain pelikat, eating [2], shaking hands, saying Selaaamat PAaaagi Cikgu and other things. But mainly the slipper thing. For me, Malaysians are synonymous with wearing slippers. The hot climate almost forbids the use of shoes, so slippers become our saviour.

Anyway, as you all know, at most places of study, slippers are not allowed. I get thefact that slippers arent  allowed in labs, and in Bengkels, but classes, lectures, for me, should be a place where slippers strive. When i wear slippers to school, the Pak Gad sepantas kilat calls me, gives me a piece of paper, and writes down a whole ot of useless shit (in my opinion)

The sexy chinese get in, with ease. The even sexier malays get in, but at a price. The Pak Gad's eyes practically pierce their really tight shirts, and eventually their breasts, mujur tak berdarah. The sexy indians get in too. I guess its sort of 1Malaysia-ish when it comes to sexy girls.

But when i, wearing the national Footwear, the slippers, i punya la kena tahan. punya la kena kutuk.
 "ha belajar mana ni dik, ha? ke tak belajar?"

I do not have ugly feet. My feet do not stink either (except when im wearing shoes). Its sort of an identity. Malaysians, slippers. Sort of like the Japanese, their bows (and Slipper + Socks combo).

Are slippers that ugly? Are slippers degrading? I get the Selipar Jamban thing, those slippers which are meant to be worn in the toilet, but ordinary slippers too? Come on. If something as unpatriotic as a sexy dress [1], can be worn to College, why not the National Footwear? Slippers?

citation
 [1] -  (its unpatriotic because keSOPANan dan kesusilaan is a rukun negara).
 [2] - roti canai, kuetiaou, the 'food' food, not the 'bak kut teh' food, as in food which comes from a specific culture but is enjoyed by all ethnicities

Sunday, 15 August 2010

melayan jiwa beb

so semalam i went back home to the arms or my mum. we hugged and kissed like we havent met for a long time. as usual, she would ask me, "tak ada baju kotor ke".
i have a problem, with saying no. so i said yes. "yes ma ada, tu ha baju kotor"

anyway, tadi i went to the surau, and before the taraweh prayers was a short ceramah. unlike the slow talking, calm ceramahers, he was SCreaming. wait. SCREAMING. my shift cacat.

anyway. he said "mak kalau sayang anak dia merepak kat anak dia"
in kelantan i think they would say "kalu mok yo caro ko anok yo yo ngepek'

in english, or my sort of english, i understood it to be
"if a mother cares about his son, she will nag @ repek the crap out of her kid"

anyway, seeing that my mum, never, or very very rarely, or extremely, or äusserst selten merepek at or to me, i feel that i was insulted. i know it was just a slur, like he was just trying to make his ceramah sedap, and he already said 'maaf jika saya terkasa bahasa', but i'm just saying, that theres a situation where the mother does not nag the crap out of this son

theres a situation where the mother just hugs his son, hoping for the best, theres a situation where the mum just prays for his son, for his studies and his life. theres a situation where the mum looks to be doing nothing verbally, but does alot in other ways. and im not saying my mum is the best mum in the world or anything (it doesnt need to be said because its quite obvious)

anyway encik penceramah, i think that my mum is the best. your mum and my mum should meet, then lumba lari or whatever. then we see la. haha. id love to see your mum belanja my mum a paket or carton of Mamee Sllrrrp. My mum tadehal punya la beb.. =D

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

August

since now it is august, which is synonymous with Autumn, i want to share my experiences. my experiences about stepping on leaves, which was my favourite hobby during this season abroad.

my family was fond of going to the park, holland park. it wasnt the biggest park, nor was it the most beautiful, but it was home to many memories. anyway, i remember my brother sister and i walking to the park, where leaves covered the pavement.



we would be like round little cute rabbits, hopping from one leaf to the other, and as you can see from this picture, there were hundreds if not thousands of leaves, which we hopped from. 

it was the most beautiful season for me, even more beautiful than the colourful gardens of summer, and the budding green of spring. it was the season where if you looked to your left or right, and you would see brown. usually brown is related to shit, or najis, but not in this case.

imagine looking to your right, and seeing a beautiful painting. then seeing another. and another. it was like walking in a realm of the most detailed painting gallery ever, one which you still remember even though it was almost a decade ago.i think Autumn is the season god gets to show off his skills at showing just how beautiful a dying thing, or dying leaves can be. it was an unending Art Attack. in every park, and every street.

even the dogs have fun in the season. which is not blistering cold as the winter, nor friggin' hot as the summer. it was the season of moderation. i miss you Autumn. but i miss you more ; ) <3 (gay smiley alert)

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Call Your Mum Immediately

In the Remaja stage or part of life, there are moments when you fuck up and just go
"takde orang sayang saya"

then in the Remaja part of life theres also the phase where you go
"kalau saya mati pun takde effect kat muka bumi ni, malah the world would be better"

which is partially true.

And when im sad i usually talk to someone or anyone rather. and that anyone or someone would go
"tipulah, you still have your mum, kan..."

they always say "call la your mum... talk to her"

which is true, one should call their mum when in hardship, because usually, one's mum understands their child, cause, she is the one who brought the child to this earth.

people ask me "how often do you call your mum"

i say.. hardly ever... when i do call her though... it ends up very depressing;.. or even more depressing... it goes like
"hi lot, nak apa? nak duit eh? balik tak? ada apa-apa ke ni?"

sometimes my mum ... or more like all the time or everytime... she doesnt get that... i just want to talk to her... like have a chat... its always money... or my red eyes... or tak cukup makan.... or kereta rosak... or demam... its never

"mami da makan? mami ok tak?"

its never like that... but its all good... im still smiling arent i...

Sunday, 1 August 2010

Go Ahead As You Waste Your Days With Thinking

For Full AAR Move Along Lyrics go here

Im just really tired at atm. Physically tired that is.

Anyway, im just posting to write about the HTC Legend.

It is designed with such genius, and such elegance.
People think that 'touch' phones are those which just require one to press the screen to make it function. But there are two types of screens, one, which you have to use a hard object, like a stylus, and one with heat sense, like the HTC Legend.

This is my latest phone, which i received from my dad as a gift. As a sign of appreciation, i dedicate my post to my dad, and the HTC Legend. Before this i used the SAMSUNG OMNIA, and prior to that, another HTC Touch, and in between the LG KS360.

The Legend itself is an Android phone, with an array of Apps, which are mostly free to choose and download from. I think it is a nicer phone compared to the 'leceh', expensive, overrated, iPhone.
The Omnia requires a stylus, thus it is a touch phone. The Omnia, though really expensive, is no match for the HTCs. Its stylus sucked, and the internet settings really confused me. The HTC Touch is also a nice phone, but again, with confusing internet settings.
The KS360 is simply stylish, and looks really expensive, when it isnt. Its a simple phone, for showoffs, which i am, in truth, and, has a great QWERTYUIOP lol keyboard, which is handy for messaging. I still have this phone, and if you want to buy it from me, you still can. My friends asked me "weh lot brapa ribu ko bli ah?", when in truth it didnt cost nearly as much as a thousand Ringgit. Simply stylish, and fools the ignorant, with its class, and sleek finishing and design.
But atm, nothing beats the HTC Legend. I love this phone, and bring it to bed ever ynight, and make HTC Sense love to it, when my roomate is sound asleep.
As a departure gift, i will post a pic, which i stole off the net, like i did with all the other pics. It is none other than my favourite person at the moment, person, or more like, personality, it would have to be Tinky Winky.
I have drawn another pic of Tinky Winky, who is suffering from an identity crisis, which i will post in the middle or at the end of the week, on my deviantart account, and also here.

I love you Tinky Winky, i really do lolz. Dont call me gay, cause Teletubbies dont have buttholes which i could get a sexual fixation from

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Ears, Eyes, Nose, Mouth

one day i was lepaking with Kamal's dad, and Kamals dad is like a really old person with lots of experience, though he not that old.


and you know how old people roll, they always like to lecture, and talk about what they read, and what we the youth should read, and about what they know, and about what we should know. Usually in that order aswell. 


As a classic example, would be a book he read, which i dont know the title of, but, i do remember the isi penting. which was basically, the tale of why God made man's face in such a way from top to bottom.


The tale of the ears, eyes, then the mouth, not really the nose. As you can see, the ears and the eyes are sort of level, and at the bottom, would be the mouth. In short, the ears and the eyes are closer to the brain than the mouth. and this is so, for a very special reason.


like any old man, he would ask me a question.
'why are the eyes and ears, placed higher than the mouth'
then without waiting for an answer (like any other old man), he answered the question himself


"it is because, we need to hear what others have too say first. / see what is going on first, then only, after thinking, do we talk"


which is rarely done nowadays, because before we get to finish speaking, we are usually cut short. and we usually cut others short aswell before they finish speaking. especially myself. 


renungkanlah (konon)

Sunday, 11 July 2010

the Sweetness

So this one time, i had won this competition thingy. It was 2003? 2002? and so, like any other sekolah rendah kid, i had to go on the pentas for perhimpunan, to take the hadiah.

but unlike any other kid, i was blessed as the guru besar punya anak,

i remember this day because it was funny, and sweet, and awkward, but fun?

yes, so then, they called up my name, and off i went onto the pentas of SKPJP.

then my mum, the guru besar, was the person yang bagi hadiah.and so i went on the pentas, and there my mum was, wearing her baju kurung ala guru besar. making her guru besar face. making her mum face aswell. so then i took the hadiah.

then my mum said
"haaaaaaa lot! cakap apa?"

then i said
"thank you mami, thank you cikgu"

then i was embarassed because the teachers heard that my mum asked me to say thank you. then i was like oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh HAAHHAHAhaAHAHAHHaha

ah malu.

best

Friday, 9 July 2010

NEW VIDEO

For those with normal laptops, you can watch my new video here. it is not as good as the first one, though i hope it is still entertaining. i took me half a week cause i cant find my mood. migraines really suck ass.



do enjoy!

Pain Pain Go Uh Wey

So ONe day i had a migraine. Its a new thing taht ive been having. like a trend. to have a migraine.

It was really bad taht i cried myself to sleep, and its hard to cry due to pain, for me.

So this migraine really hurt. i tried lying down, turning off the lights, sleeping, staying awake, being semi awake, playing games, watching tv while sitting, watching tv while lying down, pretending to watch tv. watching tv while sleeping.

i tried everything 

when i have a migraine or a really bad stomach ache, noone asks me. which is nice because privacy is a treasure.

but one person does.

so that one person asked me
"are u ok"

i say
"no"

then they ask
"why"

i say
"sakit kepala"

they say
"why?"

then like. come on man what the fark. how the hell would i know why im having a migraine. why ask me this stupid question.

when i go to the doctor, he asks me 
"apasal Blood pressure kamu tinggi ni ha?"

how the hell would i know. if i knew i would medicate myself and not bother coming to the clinic la kan. idiots la.
are u really that stupid? do i look like i know the cause of migraines? im an engineering student, not a smartass that googles the cause of migraines and red eyes kan.

anyway, i would like to thank arif zahlan, because i stole some pictures from him. 

OLD MAN WINK ALERT

here are the pictures. remember. dont think dirty.


i dont know who he is. but im not judging him or anything. and i hope this does not affect his marriage if he is married, i just found it to be interesting that, he smiles sometimes, and not sometimes. kan ; )

kongratulations to all KYUEM graduates.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Drei Dinge

you know dinge sounds like dinghy, which is like, this tube, like at sunway lagoon, macam yellow tube, and ou slide down water slies. i love roller coaster tycoon. if you do, then you rock.. if you dont. try playing it.


3 things.


the first would be taht birthday thing. it was like. faceboook sang a song, it was birthdays, shahir ridzuan, sharmir izuan, and, theyre not twins, nor are they brothers, nor are they even related. but like, i wonder if all people born on this day have nice names.shakir hizwan, maheer rajan, you know. like a pokerap! 


the 2nd is. YES I GO TO AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL!! and 22 friends like this!! "friends" la. why would anyone make a group for this? i see it as being
" YES I GO TO A SCHOOL WHERE THE MAJORITY IS GAY! OR BISEXUAL! AND AM PROUD ENOUGH TO FORM A GROUP!"


Im not proud of being in a boys school, cause we are jakun perempuan. like if cikgu lawa pun we all go "ooooooooh dia tu lawaaaaaaaaa" and like the hornier students go "oh cikgu tu besaaaaaaaaaaa"


thats about it kot. thats how i spent my form 1 and form 2 and form 3, form 4 my friends had phones, ie they had 3gp. porn, so i wasnt jakun sangat.


the third thing is. its my birthday tomorrow. yeay! candles candles


; )


CAN-DLES can-dles


dont marah, i know you know that, it, you know, but chill

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Whats The Point? There Isn't One

A few weeks back we had to go do our Vorpraktikum, where we had to do practical work. For me it was a relief, because for all these years as a student, we were judged by grades. And co-curiculum. and what is co-curiculum? Co-curiculum is sucking up to teachers, licking their arses, so they would let us represent the school in some minor stupid redundant pointless time wasting over-rated competition. 

So this practical involved two things. two subjects. electrical, and, benchwork thingymajigys, So in short, we had to learn about benchwork, which was like cutting metal, filing, drilling, then some other stuff. Then theres the electrical part, where we have to construct circuits and learn to take readings. 
The electric part didnt frustrate me. But the benchwork did. Its cause i have handyskills similar to a kambing gurun, ie i suck at benchwork. Because i suck at benchwork, i always made the stupidest mistakes. I didnt file proper, or drill proper, or whatever.

Filing sucks cause you have you use a stupid file, to remove millimeters of metal with a file. it takes time. so this part was where i was really slow. so i filed. and filed. and it took ages. i saw some people did it quite fast. 

I thought girls would suck at filing, cause it sort of needs MANpower. So as i was still filing, this girl's filing process was alraedy done. I was like. WHAT THE FUVL? How can your workpiece be filed? Even us guys take 2 hours to file a side? So i was like, "oh. women dont suck. i suck more. im so ashamed, buruk sangka". So cam, in my head, i had an apology for all women worldwide.

Then rupanya, some other guy who likes looking at her boobies yang filekan for her. So i was like. Bodoh la sial. Whats the point of having Vorpraktikum if you didnt do it yourself? What the hell la, orang lain penat-penat dowh, i was really frustrated.

Cause the Guy who tolong the girl, didnt even file kerja dia sendiri yet, but filekan taht konon "hot girl" punya dulu. Come on la. Why take engineering if you dont want to do the Engineering practical? If i failed, i would have to repeat the course. So what? If i should fail then i should repeat the practical. Tahts what i deserve. so thats what i should get.

Gila frust. People file for what? 6 hours? 6 Hours of ulang alik taht stupid file. but she has her kuli. Whats the point then? Aduh. Sure, she is a female, she should have her handicap. If you want your handicap, go back to the kitchen la. Im not mad anymore, but i was really mad at that moment. So i took a breather alone at the fire escape. ADehs.

Sunday, 13 June 2010

Tang, Shoulder, Nominal Length

so then this dude lim didnt come to take his exam.

i was curious why, because he may not get to further his studies if he does not pass, and taking the exam is compulsory.

so  then i asked kann sheng "weh, apasal lim tak datang"

then kann sheng said "oh itu nenek dia meninggal la"

then i said "oh yeke"

then vincent mencelah

so vincent said "yalah, itu nenek dia sudah kantoi"

then i said "kantoi? kuang ajo gila cakap camtu"

then vincent said "yalah... mana ada kurang aaja la... itu colloquieael"

then i dont know how to spell colloqueial

nanti i refer balik

sudah kantoi =(

Saturday, 12 June 2010

Kasi Tayang

It weird how girls can get away with stuff that guys cant. And seeing that Equality is a hot topic these days, i think i should be joining in in this topic.

So like i said in entah mana punya post, i can see Tits everywhere at college. And asses jugak la. Especially during exams when people are sitting down then their jeans somehow malfunction then i can see their ugly bottoms.

But lets get back to tits la. You know how ladies like tayang thier cleavage or lurah or wtv, and somehow the masyarakat openly accepts this. Without memaki hamun these ladies or branding them as sluts. 

not only boobs. you know how someladies where jeans ketat gila, then you can see the shape of their bottoms. taht is also wrong. then theres those ladies which where tubes, and you can see the VAVA ooh LALA punya shape, yeah, that is beyond wrong, yet, even in Shah Alam, there are ladies wearing the sexay sexay dressses..

BUT LETS SAY there is this guy version of a lady. As in, kalau perempuan tu jadi lelaki, ini lah lelaki tu.

KALAU LELAKI JADI PEREMPUAN, INILAH CARA MEREKA BERPAKAIAN << i think this is what i meant to say

 So then, this guy, on a good day, would wear this really short underwear, and where the bulu kote would like be crawling out from the tepi2. this to me is the guys version of cleavage la.

if ladies can show cleavage, then i, believe, all guys should, and can, show their bulu kote in public la.

on a sexier day, guys would wear pants, where their testicle (only satu, cause if dua2 nampak cam sengaja, so satu nampak cam tak sengaja, nampak cam jual mahal sket ah). so a testicle would hang out, and it would swing side to side if the man jalan2. this would be the guys version of tetek goyang ketika jalan.

but for those lelaki which reach moksya, they will have the ULTRA SEXINESS thing. 
where, they would can, sengaja, keluarkan their penis, tapi cam SIKIT je.cam nampak pala takuk je la. cmtu ah. like you know how cam some ladies, like i met this lady at petronas seksyen 6 once, where cam we can see her nipples la. and her VAVA ooh LALA la jugak. But she wasnt naked. she was wearing see through apentah.

so like. if ladies can show tetek, cleavage, and ass shape, and VAVA shape, then laki can show testys, bulu kote, and kepala penis kan? no.

no. there is no right sexy. like there is no wrong which is better than the other wrong. i cant say "instead of bakar bayi, you should at most buang in tong sampah", cause theyre both wrong. there is no wrong which is less wrong. all wrongs are wrong.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Terup

So i was teaching this dude to play terup.

Or cards la. betting cards. playing cars. you know the cards la.

then i say "ko bagi dia satu card lebih"

then he goes "apahal bodoh gila, apahal dapat satu card lebih pulak"

then i said "dah dia stat dulu, kena la amik satu lebih"

then we played, and when we were done, we started a new round.

i said "you give fifi satu kad lebih, bagi dia stat dulu"

then he goes "apahal bodoh gila game ni, asal dia stat dulu pulak, babi la etc etc carut"

i said "sebab dia menang, so dia stat dulu la"

then he said "apahal bodoh gila game ni, bodoh gila orang yang menang stat dulu. apa beza sial bodoh sial etc etc"

then... i ... kept quite... because i didnt want to gaduh la... because its macam babi... you know.. because every card game has its rules la kan... you dont question the rules of the game...

you dont play UNO cards.. then go "WEH APAHAL PULAK KENA REVERSE NI"... when someone puts a reverse card... or go " APAHAL +4 CARD PULAK" when someone puts a +4 card. ..

its the game... a games has its rules.. and you play it... babi la bising gila complain peraturan game card... lancau gila... i got really pissed off la.. but kept quite.. because i know how emotional he gets over the stupidest things...

aduh.. main jela.. card je pun.. its not like we were betting kan... when he teaches me a card game i just layan je.. ada i got question peraturan.. takde pun.. bodo gila

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Sex Sex SExay Ladays

You know how A Samad SAid saw a dead crow in the drain, at the post office?

Well, zaman sekarang, most drains are underground (referring to kota kemuning). So we dont see many longkangs. But i tell you, there are still longkangs which can be seen, this being what the Malaysians call longkang, or parit. its CLEAVAGE.

YEAh. the space between ladies' boobs. that cleavage. (not battle fury 35% cleavage. thats different.)

Anyway, like, i can see cleavage anywhere. Even at college. Theres this really sexy lecturer. Wait. Grammar mistake. THERE ARE EVEN REALLY SEXY LECTURERS

Yeah. but the thing is, when you pakai ketat, people tend to stare.because people have nafsu. and nafsu means, staring at boobs or asses. (simply put).

BUT when i stare at boobs or ass, i get looked at. as though i m at fault. macam. im the one who is at fault. as though i am doing the wrong thing.

Let me tell you how life should work. When you wear ketat. people stare. and you, because you wore taht slutty outfit, have to live with the fact, that people treat you like a slut, because you wear like a slut. So when i stare at your boobs, which are practically tak sabar-sabar to get out of your shirt, and your nipples, which are sharper than a 2B pencil tip, you, should accept the fact, that people stare at you.
  AND NOT GET MAD

if i do a punk hairstyle, and people call me a punk, its all good. cause im at fault. 
if u wear a shirt which screams "IM A WHORE. STARE AT MY TITS."

then you, have to accept the fact, that, you are somewhat a slut.

i cant see someone defending themselves in this situation. especially women. cause women have LOADS of kedais to choose from. in malls, most stores tend to females. YET YET YET BUT ABER TETAPI. you choose. a boob SQUEEZING dress. and want to get mad if people stare at what your children will suck on o live (your boobs)

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Your Love Has Always Been Enough For Me II

So i came back home. And my mums car was at the porch, the Satria Neo. That was the only car there. That for me was no surprise, seeing that i dont expect my dad to be home at that hour (which was 10 @ 11)


So i tuned down the loud music as i steered the car into the house compound. That night it rained a little but i still left the windows open. I prefer the wind.


So I drove in. It was dark. Too dark. I dont know why but my mum doesnt like turning on the porch lights. She likes the dark, which is why i guess i sort of like it too.


Though being 19 and having a beard and a misai sket sket, it didnt stop me from being the anak bungsu. So went out of the car, excited. I know it may be silly. but i was excited. Cause i havent met my mum for a while. Though i dont do anything with her, like go out for dinner, but just seeing her face is good enough i guess.


So then i went in. And like i always did. I shouted 
"maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"


then campak my bag at the door. no response
"maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, ohhhhh ma, ma kat atas ke? mami tido ke"


but still no response....


so i went to the guest room.. then i saw my mum praying... but she didnt pray standing like we do... like if u sakit kaki or have problems standing then u can pray sitting... then if u cant pray sitting cause u are really hurt then u can pray laying down... she prayed sitting...


when i called her name.. she ended he prayer... got up... then hugged me... like she always did...
then i asked her
"mami sakit kaki ke"


she said no... but the thing is.. when i come back.. at that hour on other days she usually is praying standing you see... so i was worried for her... and i asked her again ...
"kalau mami sakit mami cakap kat lot.. takpe"


but she said
"nanti dua tiga hari ok la lot"


i didnt want her to give the details... i was just happy that she was still there seeing what she had been through... so i hugged her... again... as always...


i wanted to say
 "lot da besar, mami boleh bagitau lot dah"
but in reality "lot tak besar"


so i shut up, and ran upstairs. where i forgot about the whole thing. only to remember again during the maths paper 2 exam (0945 18952010)... then i became all sad... then i tried to sleep... but didnt want a tasik air liur on my paper... so i doodled the remaining 45 minutes..

Friday, 21 May 2010

sorry

im sorry. its not like people read this stupid blog anyway.

im sorry not cause of the inconvenience but if you are taht person, then i am sorry to you.

ok?

ive got many posts lined up... i deleted this blog cause i dont really need some fuckers telling me how screwed up i am, cause i most probably know that i am a retarded fucker tahts has issues be it daddy issues or any issues.

nanti la aku layan kalian

Friday, 30 April 2010

Palatschinken? Gewinnen Oh Yeah

Equality.

Some women are asking for equality. And this  was proved when there was the pink commuter issue.

So the KTMB had set up this pink commuter, to let women who use the commuter take a break from being sexually harassed. But again, there were voices from 'popular and outspoken' women 'role models', in this case, wan gayah, said the pink coach was 'insulting women'

she said a lot of other (in my opinion) crap.

do you know what wan gayah is fighting for? she is a warrior, a 'saint' (konon), for gender equality. and a certain menteri is also doing the same. and a certain menteri of 'family and women' department is also doing the same.

equality, no offence wan gayah, but i beg to differ with your pov. minta izin puan shahrizat, saya ada pendapat sedikit berbeza. hey sisters of islam, marina mahathir, the whole lot. i think youre wrong. you want equality, others dont.

if women ride the commuter, they hate being molested. atau diraba. women hate being rubbed by indons and horny malays and horny other people. women. hate. being. molested. this coach was built for comfort of women. ive never heard of a man complaining of being molested by the opposite sex. though ive heard a man brag about being molested in the KTM. not complaining.

equality, is being treated equally. if you want equality, imagine you were pregnant. men, obviously, dont get pregnant. (unless they do a sex change and were pregnant beforehand). so lets say you are pregnant. and you have your own freaking orbit. cause you so  damn big. and you wanna apply for pregnant leave. but you see, men dont get pregnant leave. cause. yeah. they dont get pregnant. so you have to climb up 3 steps of stairs being 9 months pregnant. cause you want to be treated like men.then after giving birth, youre going straight back to the office.

women are not men. you cant expect to be treated equally as men. its not right.

most women dont want to work as construction workers. see the indonesians coming. the men are working as construction workers, the females as cleaners etc. why? cause being a construction worker is physically constraining. its tiring. give the more physically demanding jobs to men. thats how it was meant to be. its was like this when time began.

men and women are not equals. we have to be treated fairly, not equally. fairly always works out. equally does not. the KTMB built a coach to prevent you, being, molested. for your safety. so you can go back home, see your kids, without being ashamed deep down inside that everyday you go to work your ass is touched by a coachfull of men.

be grateful. this is not your place. may god bless you.

Monday, 12 April 2010

Malaysia decides to stop production and selling of 14-cigarette packs

Topic.

Something. Cigarettes. I read about them in The Sun. The free newspaper you can get delivered to your doorstep daily for just 30sen a copy. that Sun.

It said the government is going to stop selling 14cigarette packs.

Im liking this idea. Not for any specific reason, but just due to the fact that it gave me something to write about. something that is close to our hearts, the tobacco and tar which clogs our vessels. I don't know what vessels, but i know some type of vessel.

Anyway, i think there is a misunderstanding going on. Because without 14 cigarette packs, kids will have to smoke 6 more cigarettes per pack. The government are seeing the glass as half empty, or totally empty. To them its "weh, aku xde duit nak beli 20 batang. jadi aku tak jadi merokoklah"

but in reality, its "aku sekarang perlu merkok lebih 6 batang je, bukan beza sangat pun harga dengan yang 14 batang". i think i am one to give an opinion on this, since in my school days, my best friends were James Winston, Marlboro Chia and Ong Pol Mol.

Ive never heard of a smoker who goes "oh since i don't have the money to buy cigarettes, i guess i'll just have to not buy them", cause this is higly unlikely. its more like "bodo punya ****, pergi jack harga, tengok, lunch sekarang aku tak jadi makan, rokok je lebih"

cause cigarettes are easy to get. relatively cheap (to neighbouring country). there has to be another way to stop people from smoking. and i think that halting the selling of 14 cigarette packs is not one of them.

another thing is that i have never been asked "hey adik umur berapa?" when i was in Alam Shah and wanted to buy cigarettes at Petronas. its just a myth, that underaged kids can't buy smokes. its not just a myth, its a joke. It was more like "adik pasti tak nak yang 20 batang ke? kami sedang ada promosi"

yeah, me, in my baju rasmi sekolah, with the lambang sekolah, and my underaged bululess face, was asked this question. nice. if the authorities are serious about reducing the number of smokers, then theyre not doing it right. Or doing it right, but not trying it hard enough? ntoh
so i have a suggestion for this government. how bout, ok, read this, uhuh, how about, apa kata, what say, that, we, ahah, apa kata, kita buat kempen, haah. kempen. bes gila kempen. nama kempen tu kan, kan, TAK BOLEH. its like TAK NAK, but if you realised it, i changed the word NAK with BOLEH? kan? haah. camtu ah, so like. ni cam.

weh lot, jom rokok. then ill go "tak boleh". cause, its not really a nak pun. u understand? then its like, the poster. of it. is empty. like. theres nothing. instead of the crooked rokok, the TAK Nak rokok, we'll have nothing. ie, we didn't take the cigarette at all.

then the iklan for the campaign, is like, "skrin putih. then it says. 'turn up your volume'. then gullible rakyats will actually turn up the volume. then. the suara iklan dude, the one who does the ASTRO BEYOND voice will say "JANGAN MEROKOK LA BANGSAT". TAK BOLEH MEROKOK 2010"

oh yes. nice. if you want to buy this idea government, i dont care of which country pun, i will trade it for an Xbox 360, a bass guitar, and new rims for my myvi. that is all. serious berbaloi dowh jeebs.

come on la jeebs, serious laku dowh.

Friday, 9 April 2010

mara interview 2010

Ps -  i got molested today, mara interview 2010 mara interview tips mara interview temuduga mara what to wear to mara interview


Today i want to share my experience to the mara interview. they say you cant go to both JPA and MARA, well, i say, THEY LIED. And i am the living proof of that lie, cause i went to both.


I don't remember what day it was, but i do remember that some friends came along with me, to the interview. the mara interview 2009 was the one i attended, and my friends had brought their folders and essays, all looking brilliantly confident.


I woke up at six, or later than that, with a bad stomach. this, is what almost ruined my day, and also could have ruined my friends' future, for i had to drive to kl, to the interview. TIP 1- better ask your mum to depart early, and go early cause the traffic jam sucks arse, and the organisation of the interviews are not good, you barely know where to go, and what to do, when you arrive. 


as i arrived, i rushed straight to the toilet, there i met some people. they looked at me in the most "weh dia ni selekeh gila la shiot" way, cause, i was wearing a sweater and jeans, and slippers. the reason for this is because i didnt attend the scholarship for the interview, i was merely the driver for my friends.


anyway, as i sat down waiting for my friends to finish their interviews, a makcik came down and sat next to me. she had her daughter alongside her, the daughter held a piece of paper, and had a pen in hand. what was she doing? she was writing her essay. TIP 2 - dont write the essay at the interview location, you should already have it printed out.and ready.


then the makcik said to me -"anak saya ni bagus gle. dia ni stret A. pmr stret A. smua stret A. dia nk jd doktor. then she asked me "adik dpt brapa spm" i sed "saya bio B bm A2, maklum saya ni sengal, saya xappply MARA, saya apply JPa lagi best"


then she made a "dia ni sengal gila, selekeh pulak tu" face. her daughter was like quiet, i thought she was ashamed of her mum, rupanya she said "ntah, saya nk amik pharmacy la, bukan medik mak" then continued writing her esssay. anyway, i waited for Zigu, my friend, he said it was easy, all was well. but the my other friend X came out, X said "weh aku blank dowh, dia tanya soalan pelik". it turns out that, he was actually blank. so the interviewer tried to help him. but the problem was, he couldnt help himself, cause he memorised the dialog, so when the interviewer asked "kamu dari mana? ada apa istimewa dekat situ" he turned blank. idiot. TIP 3 > dont memorise dialogs, and be comfortable with the interviewer, she or he will help you if you go blank, they dont eat people.


anyway, my other friend applied to go to GMI, and hadnt prepared a thing. but he was the confident type, who had no worries. so he just said anything on his mind. he said " weh aku x prepare apa2", but he still go the mara scholarship. good for him. 


anyway, the moral of the story is, 4 of my friends got the scholarship, but two of them didn't manage to fly. they said "MARA xde duit, so aku xfly", which is quite sad. cause they worked their butts off to learn overseas, but it seems fate is against them. so the bottom line is, if you get MARA (untuk Pelajaran Ijazah Luar Negara), it doesnt mean you will study Luar Negara, cause sometimes, life sucks.


mara interview, temuduga mara, temuduga mara 2010, mara scholarship, biasiswa mara 2010

Sunday, 4 April 2010

It Is That Time Of The Day



this alongside muse's resistance has to be the songs of the year



why am i pasting video's which i didn't make myself? because i forgot what i was going to write about. and that sucks. both songs made me have goosebumps. cools. pointless post.

this has to be best video ever. the best video so far man. hands down cards up

Saturday, 3 April 2010

JPA INTERVIEW TIPS

For once i am truly sorry for making lost links to this blog. People have google d "jpa interview tips temuduga jpa jpa 2010 interview tips jpa interview putrajaya jpa interview review jpa interview flow mara interview tips petronas interview tips bank negara interview tips interview tips khazanah interview tips sime darby interview tips tenaga nasional interview tips telekom malaysia interview tips mara interview tips tips temuduga mara proses temuduga mara mara scholarship 2010" and etc.


So for once, i am going to write about the jpa interview.


I once read a quote on reader's digest, stating
"there are too many mistakes to make in life. you can't just learn from your own mistakes, but also from others' "


so being someone who didn't pass the interview, i think my advice will be quite not so helpful, but you can interpret what i say in your own way, as to learn from the mistakes i made.


anyway, as my interview was in the semi-afternoon, i was damn hungry. and also seeing that i didn't eat well days prior to the interview, i had to go to the toilet before the interview began. this was very inconvenient.


so remember to eat well, a few days before any interview for that matter. 'cause the last thing you want, is to have a cirit-biriting stomach on the day of your interview. i'm not saying i had cirit-birit on the day. maybe i did, maybe i didnt. it remains a mystery.


i didn't have some documents which were required, as were requested in the  forms, i think that played a major part in my failure to seize the scholarship. as you all hopefully have or will.


don't memorize lines because that won't help either. the best thing to do is remember a guideline.


i didn't do any research for my interview and went in rambo style, ie: with my eyes closed and fingers crossed, hoping the interviewers don't realise im a lazy a55. too bad i was transparent.


ANYWAY:
the interview starts off easy, by introducing yourself. don't tell too much about yourself, cause the interviewers don't really want to know. they just want to see which name you are on the papers on their desk.


PREPARE
why you chose the course. this is important. lie if you must. try not berlagak by saying "i was bla3 in sekolah", cause sekolah and university/college aren't the same. 
make sure the country you chose actually offers the course you want. for example, if you plan on taking islamic finance, then you don't have to fly, cause Malaysia offers that already. 


WHEN THE DISCUSSION STARTS
dont be too quiet. but dont be too loud. cause being too quiet annoys the jpa dudes. being too loud annoys the people next to you. ie your competition.


AT THE END
dont be like me, shake your interviewers hands, and say thank you sir or whatever. if you brought cigarettes, make sure they dont show in your pocket. like that box shape thang. yeah.


make sure phones are off at all times lol.


dont wear pakaian that makes you look like a whore. i saw most chinese kids wore clothes as though they wana go clubbing in kebaya. like really sexy clothes. sexy kebayas. i saw this sikh girl which was in the same sekolah rendah as me, wear really thick make up like she was a whore. i dont think that is quite appropriate.


IMPORTANT REMINDER
the JPA give scholarships to ugly people (referring to you) too, so dont fret. your fugly face will not have such a big effect on how the interview works out. being ugly is part and parcel of life.


PS-
i pity you for being ugly lol


PPS
-not all of this is correct. i think almost none is. but i just had to write somethhing.
see the boxes at the bottom (of the post) ? Tick one if you have the time. Because if the genre is disliked, similar posts won't be done. thanks. btw fuck nuffnang.