Usually its the old people, who look at their children, grow up, and then go
"oh, look how fast they grow. it felt like yesterday. i feel like i was teaching him.her to walk yesterday. now shes so big. has his her own child"
i thought it was stupid. i never felt that way before. cause i dont have a little brother or little sister. but almost everything thats sad and stupid works both ways.
So my brother was going back home, after coming over to sort of hang out during the weekends. So as he was reversing his car and what not, i felt like it was yesterday that i climbed his shoulder and bit him.
felt like yesterday he came back from school, and taught me my first English swear word.
felt like yesterday we jaga anak burung puyuh.
and everytime he goes back, it would be me and my mother, waving goodbye. my mum smiling, to her only granddaughter. and her only granddaughter smiling back.
and everytime we balik kampung, as i am driving the car, and my dad sits beside me, before he dozed to sleep, he would say
'dulu rasa macam ramai sangat. ada 3 anak je. tapi smua gerak-gerak. bising-bising. rasa macam ada 5 anak. tapi sekarang...'
you could tell he was sad. he would use that voice. that voice that he misses his children so much. he would turn his body to the left a little. but what hurts the most would be that big sigh.
he'd inhale, and exhale. that long. and deep. sigh.
then he would fell asleep, as the family of 3 headed back to the kampung. remembering what was.