Tears in My Red Eye

I am sorry for the typos in this blog but i really cant help it anymore.

The one and only reason i am writing this is because i m pissed of at a person, at people, who push me, little by little, til i itp. its like a lemming, but its not running. But its being pushed off a cliff. Sure its natural for lemmings to dive off cliffs, but i m not a lemming lol.

Heres the deal.

I > i work my ass off behind the computer. i get my arse whooped by my mum and dad in certain ways so that i study. my brother and sister have a reputation that put me in a position so that i push myself til wee hours of the night to succeed. i spend hours on end at class readin books in my own way, making formulas that i can easily remember for upcoming exams. i plan the morning assembly so that i wont have to lie during interviews. i stopped smoking so i wont look bad further on in my life.

But when i end up being ridiculed by an ignorant stranger, it hurts. When my friends ridicule me, i feel nothing " bak kata pepaah alah bisa tegal biasa", same goes for my family and teachers. They talk shit to me, but i dont care. i know they dont mean it. but being called stupid by a stranger is like ... phasing out. The white light, makes ur pupils dilate ( or the opposite of dilating that is ), then the world loses all meaning.

work my fucking ass off for years to build a fucking reputation then at the end of the day, a complete stranger calls me stupid for what?
was it the way i dressed? i know i have the most imperfect red yellowish eyes, and plaque on the teeth, but i did not deserve that. I can say how much it isnt true, or i can say how stupid she is for calling me stupid, but the fact is, it hurts. being called stupid hurts. no matter who says it. whether its your mum or dad or sibling or friend or some bitch or some barstard, it hurts.

i would know seeing that my surroundings ( lol ) call me stupid. when my sister gets pissed at other people she starts saying nasty stuff ( not on purpose ; subconciously [ah yess] ) then ends up saying nasty stuff. know that shes mad at someone else, but that hurts quite alot. (minus the quite)

I was planning to continue my previous post but things got in the way.

i cant really say why though., .,