Because It Takes Two To Whisper Quietly

none of these are mine, but they should be

anyway


selamat hari raya. and. happy not reading this blog.

Cats Can Walk Through Walls

A few days back i brought my cat back home. And the first thing that i said when my family saw the cat was

"you have to watch out. This cat is really stupid. it shits everywhere"

And my family, being nice people, said

"lotfi thats not a nice thing to say!"

Anyway, as proof taht my cat is stupid, i shall present a Cherpen. Or Cherita Pendek. Or Short Story. Shorsto.

So the family is eating at the dining table, as we are having our iftar. Then the cat comes in. So i say aloud

"kan dah cakap kucing ni bodoh"

so i close the door, and the cat sits quietly outside.

Then my family hear a loud "bump" noise. So we look around, to see if my niece fell down or whatever. But then we looked to the door. And it turned out to be my stupid cat, which headbutted the glass door.

I mean, how stupid can a cat be.

Anyway, we all laughed at my cat being stupid headbutting the door.

So the night before, i closed the door, to make sure the stupid cat doesn't come in. And warned my family not to let the Stupid Cat in also.

But next thing i know is my sister wakes me up saying

"weh lotfi, your stupid cat berak belakang TV"

and the first thing i thought of was

"HOW THE HELL DID MY CAT WALK THROUGH A FUKIN GLASS DOOR"

then it occured to me, that cats cant WALK THROUGH DOORS! so i felt stupid.

so i had come to the conclusion that my Stupid Cat walked through the walls, of course, like any other cat does.

Seeing that you know, contractors nowadays, cut corners here and there to save money, im not surprised that even a stupid cat such as mine managed to walk through my house's walls with such ease, and shitted@shat behind my Tv.

my cat if she were a human.

(ps- someone opened the door. i have no such superpowered cat)

Mineral Water: Where Does It Come From?

Where does mineral water come from?

Well, in this post you will get to know alot about Mineral Water.

Well, the story is like this. 

One day, i buy mineral water at a kiosk. Like any bottle of mineral water, it comes in a, well, bottle.

And as i am sipping on the chilled water that i enjoy so much, my friend asks me a very good, and interesting question.

And so he asked me

"how do you know that water, is mineral water? not just any other water"

I ask him for more details, because it sounded like a very stupid (and suspicious) question. and so he continued

"lah, lets say you see some water, (while pointing his finger to a table, as though he implies taht there is a pool of mineral water on the table) and you want to know, whether it is mineral water or not, how would you know?"

Based on my experience, and also my ability to guess and create facts on hand, i said

"its easy, mineral water, has no bubbles. tap water, does!"

i smiled, because even though i created that fact out of thin air, it sounded believeable. 

then he says, like any other malaysian teenager

"bodoh! bukan macam tu. (not like that). mineral water's bottle cap is blue! drinking or Reverso-Osmosis water's bittle cap is white!"

I was very disappointed. Now let me tell you why.

Contradictary to popular (and stupid) belief, mineral water, actually, does not originate from bottles! Yes! Oh my god!

Who would have thought of it, water, no, mineral water to be specific, does not magically appear in blue-bottle capped-bottles! Mineral water, actually comes from natural sources!

I know! At first, i was stupid as well. I thought mineral water couldnt exist outside of blue bottles. I thought that mineral water was like a gas, and it has to be be in a bottle with a blue cap, so that we can see it and drink it!

But no!!

Mineral water comes from underground sources named aquifers! I should tell my friend that his belief that mineral water somehow appears in blue-bottle capped bottles is wrong, but like all Malaysians, he thinks is is never wrong, and when proven wrong, he refers to his rule number 1. which is : he is never wrong.

So what have we learned today children? Its that mineral water comes from underground sources named aquifers, and is not magically produced from well, magic!

This may be a surprise to many of you out there who think that mineral water only exists in bottles with blue caps, but please, do not be. I sure hope that the Malaysian government does not force me to retract this post, because it will shock many people not only in Malaysia but also across the globe.

Mineral water prices are RM1 for 500ml/ 600ml bottles, but may rise to RM6 per bottle in stupid places such as the F1 circuit and Sunway Lagoon.